More about: Glastonbury Festival

Glastonbury is over for another year, while the halcyon memories of wandering through the green, green fields of Worthy Farm dance around your deliriously sleep-deprived mind, you are paralysed by a very particular type of sadness - the Post-Glastonbury Blues. 

There's no condition quite as crippling as this. Legend has it that is in fact the haunting of a ghost druid from the Stone Circle who passed centuries ago, vowing to take vengeance all who pass by in revenge for not telling him about that day's secret set. Meanwhile, scientists are furiously trying to find a cure, performing evil experiments on monkeys by making them listen to 'Hello' by Lionel Richie on loop and making them have knife fights over if Kanye was crap or not. 

The glee felt by that first shower when arriving home was matched by the melancholy of realising that you were washing the last traces of Worthy Farm from your being. So, let us all weep together - here are 25 surefire signs and symptoms that you're suffering from the post-Glastonbury Blues. 

1. You *THOUGHT* you heard someone say the word 'KANYE', before flying into a rage and screaming "YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN - DON'T EVEN..."

2. You are totally unable to navigate your way around the real world without using flags as a point of reference

3. You feel an inexplicable paternal connection to this man, and all you want to do is look after him and let him know 'WHAT IS GOING ON'. Who knew you knew all the words to 'BRICK...HOOOOUSE'?

4. You've grown quite attached to the advanced civilisation of insects living in your hair. They have developed tools, and are already working on democracy.

5. You are repulsed by all fluids that are not cider left to warm up in a tent for four days

6. You are constantly on edge, expecting a secret set at any given moment. 

7. You can't close your eyes without falling asleep, your dream of walking up to The Park Stage in the sun, before the waking realisation that you're no longer at Glastonbury reduces you to tears.

8. You almost spoke to a stranger on the train, just because you thought they were wearing a Glastonbury wristband. The real world is not quite so friendly.

9. You have forgotten how to walk on firm ground or concrete, knowing only the boggy marshes of Worthy Farm. 

10. However, the mud has given your lower body one hell of a work out. You now have the legs of a horse. 

11. You can't even remember who this man is

12. But you want to give this man a hug

13. You were invited on a night out, but refuse to go because it doesn't look like this

Photo: Gigwise/Shirlaine Forrest

14. You can't even contemplate the idea of going to work, as you might as well be going to the moon

15. You are overcome with fury when you see online criticism from people who weren't even there. 

16. You've spent so much time at Shangri-La, you now have absolutely no inhibitions whatsoever.

17. You don't realise that your love of kerrr-azzehhh headwear is not appropriate in normal society

18. You have never experienced a freedom quite like that of not having to wear your wellies today

19. You do not realise it yet, but all of your Facebook friends and Instagram followers who were not at Glastonbury all despise you

20. Your senses are screwed up from the trenchfoot received after Friday's epic downpour...

21.... and the baking sun of Saturday

22. You were served a meal that was not presented to you in a napkin, and you did not know what to do with yourself.

23. You still queue for the toilet, and take a deep look down inside to check that everything is safe

24. You drew your curtains this morning, bursting with anticipation, but had a mini emotional breakdown when you did not see this view:

25. You are never cutting off your wristband, and the only thing keeping you sane is the promise of going next year

More about: Glastonbury Festival