Photo: WENN.com
So, Jay Z and Beyonce have turned vegan. That's awfully kind of you guys to let us know - looking forward to the blog post on your upcoming colonic irrigation appointments.
"On December 3rd, one day before my 44th birthday, I will embark on a 22 Days challenge to go completely vegan, or as I prefer to call it, plant-based!!" the rapper wrote excitedly on his blog, Life + Times. The man who once wrote a song called '2 Many Hoes' has penned something that makes us feel like we've just recieved a self-satisfied round robin from that weird person we used to be friends with "back in the day" but have a prepared smorgasboard of excuses for in case they want to meet up.
Seriously though? WTF has happened to Bey and Jay? OK, we can't blame this ALL on kale pushing, quinoa bullying Gwyneth Paltrow. Yes, the actress and her piano thumping husband Chris Martin are smug couple pals of Mr and Mrs Carter but we feel there's been enough Gwyneth-bashing - although the woman honestly does look like a piece of straw that's been left in the sun for several weeks; holy shit Paltrow, have a Greggs on us.
Nope, Beyonce and Jay have been spiralling down into an abyss of lame for the past couple of years. Once a couple who kept their private lives genuinely, totally private - no-one even knew when they got married - they're now merrily divulging the mind-numblingly mundane details of their personal lives like they're two Big Brother contestants who just did some sex under a table and are desperate to keep up their 15 minutes of fame once they're back in the real world.
Since Beyonce's transition from being the world's biggest R&B star to simply being the world's biggest star, the singer clearly feels it's important to keep in touch with her fans. Which is nice. But as cliche as it sounds, the more she fills her Tumblr and Instagram page with photos of her and Jay LOL-ing on their yacht, the more she's actually alienating her admirers.
This is without even mentioning the self-indulgent recent documentary Life Is But A Dream (even the title is pretentious) packed with eye-rolling scenes of her mooning away into her Macbook PhotoBooth about God or whatever. There's one particular 'intimate' moment where Beyonce's singing 'Yellow' by Coldplay to her husband, and it's incredibly embarrassing. And awkward. Two words I never thought I'd use to describe either of them until recently.
And as for you, Jay Z, what happened to the thug rapper? What happened to the simple times of having a great time with loads of bikini'd bitches, stuffing your face with rare steak and champagne whilst rapping "You know I, thug em, fuck em, love em, leave em/Cause I don't fucking need em/Take em out the hood, keep em looking good/But I don't fucking feed em."
Well, now it seems you'll be feeding 'em - feeding them a plate of Three Bean Salad with Sautéed Chard (recipe courtesy of Gwynnie's website goop).
