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The idea of The Modfather wearing a pair of wellies seeming utterly unfathomable. "Festivals are OK, right - it just depends on the weather," says Weller before identifying precisely what he thinks is wrong with the festival circuit in 2015.
"My most horrific memories of festivals are when it's been lashing it down and trying to play and walk around and move in those conditions and be in those conditions is just dreadful" says Weller. "If you've got a beautiful sunny day and everyone's happy and smiling then it's great, but when you're two foot in mud, I find that hard to enjoy."
As part of our Gigwise takeover, Mr Weller tells us about the highs and lows of his time in fields, and what he believes is ruining festivals.
Watch out video interview with Paul Weller discussing festivals above
"We've sometimes played these forest gigs in quite sort of out of the way places, where there's just us and maybe one or two support bands," says Weller. "They're my favourites, because it is more like your own gig and there's not all of that advertising shit all round the fucking arena. I like them better, there's a better vibe."
He admits: "I think there are too many festivals, and there's too many bands on at each festival as well. I guess the smaller ones, the more localised ones are more interesting any way. The others have just gone through the roof man, they're just so corporate.
"A lot of the headliners are bands who have reformed from 20 years ago or whenever it may be, and I just think where are the new bands? Where are the young bands? I'd be more interested in that rather than just a bunch of old fuckers who got back together for the money, you know?"
Watch our video interview with Paul Weller discussing festivals above
Watch above as The Modfather talks how festivals can be 'hit and miss' and 'fucking miserable', what it takes to make them decent, and how they're forever growing 'more mainstream'.
See the rest of our Paul Weller takeover below
Check out our full Paul Weller takeover below:
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TRACK BY TRACK: Weller gives an in-depth guide behind each song on Saturn's Pattern - watch