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There's a bit of a worry before Gigwise interviews GLC that we can't have any photographs because they're not in costume. It’s never occurred to Gigwise that the Newport rappers might own anything that isn’t flammable, so we feel a bit disillusioned. Thankfully it's all okay : GLC breeze in, pristine in tracksuits that look like they were sewn on this morning. Safe.
Even with half the band missing, GLC fill the room. The mullet-topped P Xain falls into a little pile of limbs next to Gigwise's knee, hungover to the gills. The band have been experimenting with London drink while on their tour bus, currently moving them from press call to press call before their October tour starts properly. "We've started drinking white wine and we call it the accelerant cos it gets you really drunk, " he pipes up. "Someone's got me onto cider, " muses Mystikal – Mysti. "I'm going backwards. It's like those kids who stagger around parks."
Sitting in a room with Goldie Lookin Chain is like being with a bunch of really loaded mates, except they're not your mates and are really quite famous. When the conversation steers on to the boring stuff like albums and touring, it rapidly tangents off into terrorism and orange alerts – "It’s like that place in Spain with the tomatoes" – cat theft – "It was that lad from your school wasn't it? "– and everything in between. They’re sharp as tacks too. In not taking anything seriously, they give off an impression that they fall out of bed and make funny songs, rather than having spent years working their arses off to get to the stage where they can smoke grass out of Warner Music’s back window.
Such is the lure of GLC’s nonsensical world that it’s almost a shame to learn that the Newport groups put in some effort before making it big. In an ideal world they'd have just decided to start wearing tracksuits and put out a record. They grabbed their first headline back in 2002 when Heat magazine claiming that Mysti was Charlotte Church's puny ex-boyfriend, Steven "I'm a DJ honest" Johnson and that the band were working with the tipple-friendly chanteuse on new material. Seeing as Mysti is pushing 40 and bears a passing resemblance to benign comic Bill Bailey, the fact this even made the mag is testament to the GLC's vast capacity for bullshit.
The band hit the headlines again last week when they played at Cardiff’s Millennium Stadium and dedicated ‘Your Missus is a Nutter’ to David Beckham and therefore, indirectly, the lovely Mrs Beckham. “I like her, ” protests P Xain, before messing it up with, “I prefer Geri. ” Still, the Welsh FA weren’t particularly pleased. “They’re fuckin’ rubbish! ” says Two Hats, “I’m never gonna play for fuckin’ Wales now am I? I’ve fucked that up. ”
They were getting quite used to playing large venues too, having supported the Darkness on tour and then playing the Cardiff Tsunami Benefit gig earlier this year. “It’s a nice place, probably the premier arena in the country, ” muses Two Hats on the Welsh stadium. “Wembley – well that’s fucked innit? They’re probably never gonna finish it, just do it outside in the carpark. ” Has it whetted their appetite for arenas? “Ah definitely, ” says Eggsy. “They have to be sizeable ones though. ”
Before they start touring, they’ve got a second album to deal with, predictably named ‘Safe as Fuck’. "You know for the White Album the Beatles were never in the studio at the same time? We were never in the studio, ” says Mike Balls. “We just spent six months getting high really and luckily by the end of it we had some stuff, ” adds Two Hats. Is it different to the first album? “Well the tunes are different. Words are different." ”Some of the words,” corrects Mysti, “We used some of the same words. Fuck and cunt mostly. ” “It’s just like the Karate Kid but we can’t do karate, ” says Mike, “It’s the next level and we’re using different weapons this time. ” “It’s like all the end of level bosses in one, ” choruses the back row.
When not recovering from massive hangovers or planning computer-related take-overs, the band have been enjoying life in their bus – which is useful seeing as they’re about to spend the best part of two months in it. "We've been wanking a lot, " a voice at the window explains. "It's a good thing the mats are nice and absorbent. " “I can’t believe no-one sleeps on foam mats, ” says Mysti incredulously. “It seems ridiculous to me, they’re so comfy why isn’t everyone doing it?” “There’s something in them, worm eggs, they’ve been biting me, ” says P Xain rubbing his chest irritably. Mysti starts to tell a hotel horror story about Robert Smith from The Cure but gets bored. "It all ends in a banana covered in blood. " Nice.
Moving swiftly on. Who're the band taking on tour with them? Seven men in tracksuits go misty-eyed. "Alan." "He's brilliant is Alan." "He's Jesus." "He makes everything happen. Things work with Alan." Alan is their tour manager. Anyone else? "We haven't really thought that far, " says Two Hats, reassuringly unbothered by a tour starting in a matter of days. "Ian Rutley, a rapper from Wales. We want to have fuckin' Roll Deep, have y'eard of him? " "I think we’re taking the Mitchell Brothers, " says Mysti wrinkling his forehead. "We're supposed to be doing a show at the Scala and they're supposed to be playing there, but I don't think they can do it, the Mitchell Brothers. " That's nice and clear then. "Have you got any ideas? " he asks Gigwise. "Can you play anything? " Er…not unless you fancy a bit of Chopin. The conversation swings along to cat theft and then on to dog molestation. Apparently some lad in Cardiff's been done for it, which amuses the band enough to find out more about it when they get home. P Xain unpeels himself from the couch and the band mooch off to their next appointment – "I'm going to get them to draw things with coloured pens," says a Channel 4 minion happily – leaving a heavily filled ash tray and a novelty ‘Safe as Fuck’ condom behind them. Forget the mink and diamonds – this is what we want from our rappers.
Photos by Richard Parsons
