Rejoice: Boy Bands Are Back For Good

First Take That came back for a reunion and no-one spoke up because ‘Shine’ was a bit of a tune. Next out of nowhere JLS managed to grab several number one singles and no-one spoke up because their range of condoms both amused the nation and kept them free from the scourge of gonorrhoea. Then The Wanted broke loose and before anyone could utter say “homoerotic dance moves”, the scourge of a boy band revival was suddenly upon us.

For a while it seemed as though the return of the skin-tight vest top might be averted. Although Gary, Mark, Jason and the other one had managed a highly listenable run of singles in a new “mature” and “Robbie-free” incarnation, the only other bands who wanted in on the act were similarly dated discards from pop’s great scrapheap in the sky. 5ive, for example, were forced to cancel their reunion only seven months after its occurrence due to lack of interest.

Even when Westlife extended their already impossibly long career with ‘What About Now’, a “gritty” cover of a 2-year-old song by a little known American band, everything was just about alright due a lack of fresh blood. Unfortunately due to the tenacity of Louis Walsh though, X Factor rejects Jack the Lad Swing were afforded a second shot at the big time and ravaged it in much the same way one presumes Malaria consumed Cheryl Cole’s red blood cell count. Subsequently we now find ourselves in a period of musical history when The Wanted can perform at a Help The Heroes concert to mass adulation on the strength of one hit single.

Will it be then that in a year or so then that we’ll be looking back on the 80’s revival with the same warmth of nostalgia usually afforded to WWII veterans and Princess Diana? Possibly but fear not readers, there is a large glimmer of hope in the midst of a tunnel plastered with free life-sized poster giveaways from Sugar Magazine.

Whilst few bands are going to make waves in the Top 40 unless their names begin with either Florence or Mumford, their records themselves may well turn out to be bloody fantastic.

When guitar music was de-rigour circa 2004 there was plenty of pressure on bands to conform to the sound of a watered-down replica of The Libertines. Hence Razorlight, The Kooks and The Fratellis took over the asylum without much resistance. Contrastingly at the height of the last boy band surge, in the same week (2nd October 2000) Westlife were number one alongside Mariah Carey with ‘Against All Odds’ and Radiohead released the game-changing ‘Kid A’.

That year also saw similarly compulsive releases from the likes of Primal Scream, PJ Harvey, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Doves, Queens Of The Stone Age and At The Drive-In. Mainstream these albums certainly weren’t but almost all of them are now considered to be ‘classic’ in one guise or another. This year certainly hasn’t been short on great records either with Caribou, Gorillaz and These New Puritans all positing themselves at the forefront of their respective genres.

With this in mind, I say bring on the boy bands! Let the imitators multiply and may their auto-tuned chart smashes be both irrepressibly derivative and bountiful in nature. This way not only is there a glut of guilty pleasure tunes to dabble in should you be inclined that way but of greater importance, indie’s avant-garde should find itself in rude health over the coming months.

So raise your glass to Simon, Robbie, Nathan and Oritsé. For though these star makers and teen sensations certainly don’t know it, they will be the source and perhaps even the inspiration for many classic LPs to follow.