Photo: WENN.com/Press
Oh musicians - what are they like? When creative flair runs amok and they lose touch with reality you can't help but cringe.
There's being a polymath and then there's being a pillock, and when aiming for 'arty' some bands just land on their arse.
Amid recent ramblings from Jay Z and the news of a potentially shark-jumping short film from Lana Del Rey, here are some of the most pretentious productions from our favourite artists in recent memory...
1. Lana Del Rey's Tropico
We love Lana Del Rey's delicious pop-noir melodrama - we really do. But what is this? 'A tale of redemption told to the music of Body Electric, Gods And Monsters and Bel Air'"? Sigh. Put your snake away, step away from the camera and give us another album.
2. CAPITAL LETTERS in titles
Whether it's Lady Gaga's ARTPOP or The Courteeners ANNA, it's just UNNECCESSARY.
3. Daft Punk's 10 minute remix of 'Get Lucky'
Really, REALLY awesome song, but don't milk it, robot lads. Who's gonna dance for that long?
4. Lou Reed + Metallica = WHY?
Ah, Lulu - the collaboration that no one expected, or wanted. Why is it so hard to forget? It sounds like Abe Simpson stumbling around a toolshed as alzheimers kicks in: "I AM THE TABLE."
5. Most Smashing Pumpkins song titles
We love Billy when he's at his best - he's ace and one of the best rock songwriters of the last 30 years. Alas, the titles of said songs are not his forte, with the likes of 'Quasar', 'Panopticon', 'Glissandra', 'Saturnine', 'Le Deux Machin', and 'Glass and the Ghost Children', 'Dumbledore's Melancholy Nectarine' and 'The Aching Talons Of Melinda's Marmoset' are a bit much (two of these are made up - bet you can't guess which ones).
6. Singing in another language for no reason
What's the German for "eurgh"?
7. Kanye West screaming all of the time on Yeezus
It was beefy, terrifying, imaginative and, in places, brilliant - but come on Yeezy. You might be a God, but stop shouting Kanye, it sounds baaaaaaad.
8. #AlbumTitles
Oh, you've been on Twitter? That's cool, go grab yourself a #biscuit
9. The Knife's Shaking The Habitual tour
The twisted Swedish electronica of The Knife is some of the most haunting, compelling and all-out awesome music that you can hope to hear. It's insane in the most Scandinavian way. But what's the Shaking The Habitual tour all about? It's basically a scenester's Pan's People.
10. David Bowie's of The Next Day
It's a brilliant LP from one one of the last legends standing, but on explaining The Next Day, Bowie simply said: "Effigies Indulgences Anarchist Violence Chthonic Intimidation Vampyric Pantheon Succubus Hostage Transference Identity Mauer Interface Flitting Isolation Revenge Osmosis Crusade Tyrant Domination Indifference Miasma Pressgang Displaced Flight Resettlement Funereal Glide Trace Balkan Burial Reverse Manipulate Origin Text Traitor Urban Comeuppance Tragic Nerve Mystification."
Oh David - you had us at 'chtonic'.
11. Jay Z vs Shakespeare
He's a giant of hip-hop and one of our favourite rappers on the planet, but The Hov's ego may have got the better of him.
"Shakespeare was a man who wrote poetry," said Jay Z last week. "I’m a man who writes poetry.Why not compare yourself to the best? I’m supposed to be here to be second best? I’m not doing this for that."
In years to come, schoolchildren will be forced to compare the line “this above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man" with "the year is '94 and in my trunk is raw In my rear view mirror is the mother fucking law".
