Photo: WENN/Justine Trickett/Tumblr
Today has been one hell of a struggle as the attempt to adjust back to reality seems impossible by one of the most challenging conditions that has ever faced mankind: The Post-Reading and Leeds Festival Blues.
Scholars and scientists have struggled for decades to find a cure. Rumour has it that they've been performing sick tests on monkeys in underground labs by force-feeding them bags of wine while playing Eminem and Biffy, murmuring something about Dido and shouting 'Alan' for days on end before re-releasing them into the wild.
While we don't have the cure and can't even begin to help you sort your life out, what we can do is run through the 20 tell-tale symptoms that you are afflicted with the Post-Reading and Leeds Blues. It's science.
1. You end every other sentence with 'YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN'
2. You're sick of 'The Dido conversation' already
3. You can't ever see yourself ever cutting off your wristband
Photo by Instagram/Craig1211
4. You haven't played Candy Crush for five days. You only have time for BBC Reading footage
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5....and when you do watch it, you adopt the foetal position and scream "TAKE ME BAACK"
6. Your first drink today was not a warm cider or an £4.50 pint of Tuborg. This felt unnatural.
7. You can't stay awake for longer than five minutes. The waking realisation that you're not still at Reading or Leeds pains you, almost to tears.
8. You become overwhelmed with an almighty fury anytime anyone who wasn't there criticises some Reading footage online
9. ...but you remain smug as hell that you saw Eminem and Nine Inch Nails' awesome set while those at home sat their confused as to why it wasn't televised
10. The automatic 'Green Day Reflex'- in moments of silence, you find yourself screaming 'heeeeeeeeey-ooooooooh'
11. You've never experienced a freedom quite like the sensation of not needing to wear wellies today
12. You can't contemplate the idea of going to work. It feels like going to the moon
13. You may not realise it just yet, but all of your Facebook friends and Instagram followers despise you
14. You almost spoke to a total stranger on the train to work because they were also wearing a Reading/Leeds wristband
15. Meals seem surreal and alien if they are not eaten from a polystyrene box or bread wrapped in a napkin
16. You still hold your breath when going to the toilet (even though you don't need to)
17. You continue to wear your poncho, like a badge of honour
18. You've been invited on a night out, but decline because it doesn't look like this:
19. You now consider this normal:
20. You need to constantly shout 'BOLLOCKS' in the face of strangers
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