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A new YouGov poll has revealed what people most want from their festival experiences. A decent line-up and clean toilets are popular, if a little obvious, choices.

But what about those things that no one wants at a festival? Those surefire little grumbles that can turn an epic weekend in the British countryside into a fist-gnawingly annoying experience. Or maybe we're just bitter and cynical and shouldn't be around other people.

Obviously we're deep into winter, but we can't get our minds out of the summer months. We've rounded up the 29 surefire things that can ruin a good festival. Do you agree?

1. Noisy campers: It's 7am. Go to bed and sober up.

2. Dirty toilet users: There's the hole, get it in there.

3. A 5+ hour queue for the showers: Basic hygiene or more beer? More beer.

4. Useless site staff when you're trying to leave on a Monday morning: Your ONLY job is to sit on a stool and tell people how to get out and you can't even do that.

5. People who don't know how to use a bin-bag and spread empty cans, crushed boxes, used wet-wipes, half-eaten food, broken cups, empty cigarette packets and more in a perimeter around their tents: Yeah. Them.

6. Stealing tent pegs: Just don't. It's not a scrap metal yard, someone is trying to live there for a weekend.

7. Thieves: Did you come all this way just to take that half-bottle of rum from someone's tent?

8. Weather: Can't be helped, but wet socks and a muddy sleeping bag isn't anyone's idea of fun.

9. Watered down beer: London city festivals serve slightly alcohol, brownish water at £5 a plastic pint. BARGAIN.

10. People who bring massive sound systems and blast dubstep all night: Seriously?

11. People who bring guitars: If you were any good you'd be on the line up, so shut up.

12. Stag dos in massive comedy hats: Go to Dublin like everyone else does.

13. People in those morphsuits: It was never, ever even mildly amusing. We don't want to see the outline of your penis, we're trying to watch Jessie Ware.

14. The water queue: So dry...

15. Waking up in the middle of the night, really needing a wee but considering wetting yourself so you don't have to journey to the toilets: This probably only applies to women

16. People jumping into bins or sliding through the mud: Ah, ignore the music - this festival is all about you now. Are you happy?

17. Chatting through a band you don't want to see: Go and chat through something else. Like the toilet queue perhaps.

18. People who 'camp out' for hours with picnic blankets to get a decent spot for a headliner: We didn't want to see the other bands anayway. As long as you're comfortable.

19. People who work their way to the front few rows of a band and then complain when people jump about: Has your mum never let you outside before?

20. Beery chanting: Is that your first alcohol drink? Ah bless.

21. Kids at festivals, don't be that pilled up dad in the drum and bass tent at 3 in the morning with a baby on your head.

22. People so out of their face they ruin everyone elses weekend: No it's fine, I wasn't drinking that beer you just knocked on the floor. Oh, you want to fall on my tent? Be my guest.

23. Standing on shoulders so noone else can see: We didn't spend £200 to stare at your bra-straps

24. Moshing (metal festivals excluded): OK, so Florence + The Machine does have guitars and drums, but the mosh-pit isn't necessary.

25. People coming unprepared who conintuously need bailing out: No money. No clean clothes. NO SHOES.

26. Anyone still partying on Monday morning: Just get us the hell home. You're going to to crash so hard when whatever you're on wears off...

27. Anyone who uses the phrase 'festival chic': It's one that should never have been born.

28. People who complain that the band on at that moment 'is shit': There are myriad other things to see, you arse.

29. People who film entire songs/sets on camera phones: Yes, we're sure that your footage will be far superior to that of the BBC.