When Arthur first shuffled onto the hallowed X Factor audition stage all humble and grubby looking, and claiming he had slept rough due to family problems, everyone felt really sorry for him. Until his own mother called on his BS, saying: "There was probably one occasion where we fell out and he stayed on a friend's sofa." GUTTED.

Arthur reportedly seduced 'beauty therapist' Danielle Withey, who clearly wasn't impressed with her Arthur experience, immediately running to the nearest tabloid and claiming he kept his socks on during the er, lovemaking (BLEURGH). "He doesn't really know how to treat a girl, I'm still trying to get my head around it all," Withey sighed. We all could have told you that, mate.

When Arthur performed a smarmy acoustic rendition of LMFAO's 'Sexy and I Know It' on the X Factor the judges and audience collectively fapped over the astounding unique credibility of it all. Unfortunately, the whole thing was a copy of YouTube sensation Noah Stagelt, whose own smouldering version had been uploaded 5 months before - and unfortunately for Arthur, had amassed 15 million hits, meaning it was only a matter of time before the internet was all over the shocking discovery Arthur doesn't have an original bone in his body.

Arthur celebrated the release of his first single 'You're Nobody Til Someone Loves You' by brutally murdering Arctic Monkeys' 'Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?' then shitting on its cold, lifeless body.

What is that overwhelming strong scent I get whenever I hear a James Arthur track? Oh, that's it - it's the smell of credibility. Arthur told BBC: "I feel like there's pop songs on [the album] but they're really authentic-sounding. The words are coming from me." Unfortunately, it didn't take an archaeologist to bring up the album's Wikipedia page which clearly shows Arthur co-wrote the album alongside the people behind tracks by Westlife, Fergie, and Leona Lewis.

Arthur took a nasty, pointless pop at previous X Factor winner and fan of hats Matt Cardle, saying his music was for "bedwetters" and would make his fans "fall asleep." Cardle responded by calling Arthur "deeply unpleasant" (agreed), before later sassily pointing out his album sold 10,000 copies more than Arthur's. ZING! Cardle also wished Arthur well, making him look even more of a horrible bully.

However, the shit really started to hit the fan in the best possible way when Arthur decided to smear his moronic thoughts across Twitter (but mainly retweeted horny messages from underage girls). Just a few highlights: "I actually was a child in need though.. Were you?" (during Children in Need) "Someone's bitter I didn't tweet there album link.. #famehelpsyouidentifyrealfriends" and "Fuck boybands! Bring on the hate I don't wanna be popular." Everyone indeed started to slowly hate him.

Arthur suddenly and bizarrely began to identify himself as a rapper, tweeting that he was in the middle of making a "hip hop mixtape" (yep). He embarrassingly 'spat some bars' on a session of 1Xtra's 'Fire in the Booth'. Sample lyric? "People drive me cray cray/Saying shit like cray cray". Needless to say, we don't think Kendrick Lamar has anything to worry about.

Maturely, Arthur engages in an argument with MC Micky Worthless over Twitter. After Worthless drops a 'diss track' aimed at Arthur, Arthur responds with a track delightfully calling Worthless a "f**king queer" and a "peasant". Everyone is very angry, including comedian Matt Lucas and even former X Factor mate Lucy Spraggan. Arthur has to apologise to everyone ("Deeply deeply sorry to any gay or lesbian people out there") then his management takes his Twitter away. Until next time...