You may see rogue nudity: Are you feeling a bit sex-starved? Has it been months/years since you've been on a date or even wandered within a foot of the opposite [or same] sex? Settle down in front of the Super Bowl. Viewers in 2004 felt a grim sexual satisfaction at seeing Janet Jackson's nipple when Justin Timberlake "accidentally" ripping off a bit of material velcroed to her boob, now known as Nipplegate.

You'll feel thrifty: Sit comfortably on your sofa clutching your reduced Tesco ready meal and gawk in wonder at the absolutely bloody ridiculous spectacle of this whole thing. How MUCH does it all cost? Well, you'll be surprised to learn the performer doesn't actually get paid [priceless exposure yada yada ya]. However, the average price of staging the show is 3 million dollars.

You may see Bruno Mars freeze to death: Temperatures in New Jersey this Sunday could drop to -6 degrees during the tiny singer's half time performance, so there's a very good chance he could succumb to the extreme conditions in the middle of a rendition of 'The Lazy Song'.

You'll laugh at the ridiculously overblown theme: Over the years, the Super Bowl's half time show has had a variety of bonkers themes, including Winter Magic, Tron Legacy, and er, Polyethism [a merging of Greek and Egyptian imagery]. The Wikipedia entry for this year's theme reads Trap, which is rather ambiguous. Does it refer to the kind of music Mars will be playing? Will he be eschewing the faux soul he traditionally rolls out in favour of the hip hop/electronic fusion that had a 'moment' in 2012? Probably not.

You'll feel young: Anyone who had just hit 30 in 2012 and was feeling vaguely depressed about having essentially lived 1/3 of their life was immensely cheered by the sight of Madonna hobbling around in what looked like her daughter's cheerleader kit. We admire you for doing your thing, Madge, but FFS.

You'll hear artists that you'd never usually hear collaborate join forces: Brushing aside that this is usually for a very good reason [ie it's terrible] where else would you see the Black Eyed Peas, Usher and Slash on the same stage [2011]? Or Shania Twain and No Doubt [2003]? Or Aerosmith, Adam Sandler and Britney Spears [2001]? Christ alive.