Photo: WENN

Festival season is almost upon us, and along with the incredible bands, amazing atmosphere and copious amounts of alcohol comes flower headbands, morphsuits, and sort of realising that 80% of the population can be really, really awful.

It may sound grumpy, but it's true. This summer, everyone really needs to make an effort to be less terrible. Here are 27 of the most irritating, heinous things commonly seen at festivals - the exact things you shouldn't do. Read it several times, print it out, and take it with you. Good luck.

Piss on someone's tent
There's a special place in hell for people like you

Wear a morphsuit
This is Glastonbury, not Stan's Massive Stag Do Faliraki '09 

Push into any kind of queue
I don't care if your mate can let you in the line, one false move and I will wee all over you. That's a promise

Bitch about the headliner
There are at least three or four other stages - go and see something else

Sit on your boyfriend's shoulders
Sure, it's great for TV coverage of Glastonbury - but a misery for everyone behind you 

Take an acoustic guitar
No, we'd rather not hear your cover of 'Wonderwall' at 4am, thanks

Moan about everything
EVERYONE is sweaty, smelly and woke up stuck to their sleeping bag this morning. Suck it up or stay at home

Bring camping chairs into the arena
No one cares that you have had your picnic area laid out since 11am, that six-metre area on the grass (for four people) doesn't belong to you (see Latitude festival 2012)

Pitch your tent on top of someone else's tent
There's nothing quite like waking up with someone else's head touching yours - through two sheets of nylon

Bring a suitcase
You're holding up the crowd trying to daintily roll your wheely suitcase across the field

Steal
Diving into the bottom of someone's smelly sleeping bag to make off with £50? Please love yourself.

Start an inappropriate mosh pit
I believe we're watching Laura Mvula on the Acoustic Stage, not Slipknot at Download

Get angry when people are trying to get out of the crowds
We're not taking space, we're making more space for you. Drop the aggro.

Have noisy, sweaty sex in a tent
Especially on a Sunday. Reminder: you haven't had a wash for three days.

Talk all night in the campsite
We get it, you're still drunk or high, so how about you make the most of the buzz at the late night tents in the festival instead of making a complete racket in the camping area?

Form a human centipede of rudeness
Linking arms and pushing to the front is unacceptable at any time. We don't care what excuses you use as you push and shove your way through the already-packed crowd - it's just rude.

Act like it's a fashion show
You're not in Ibiza and you're not going to get style spotted by The Sartorialist 

Hold your iPad aloft to film the whole set
If you thought phones at gigs are bad, iPad b*stards are a whole new level of hell.

Piss in a cup, throw it into the audience
We're fine with not washing for a few days - but that's just disgusting

Come to sell some drugs and take all your supply
Sorry sir, your bug-eyes and incessant chewing has put us right off your wares. We'll stick to Strongbow tonight.

Wear a massive rucksack in the crowd
Say it with me: bumbags 

Shout ALAN! STEVE!
Shouting this was funny. In 2009.

Stand at the barriers for 7 hours
You waiting for two hours to stand there motionless (and probably dehydrated) at the front for your favourite band? Rock on, fun people.

Eat your messy food in the middle of a crowd
'Excuse me, we're trying to watch Jessie Ware - must you eat that burrito so close to my face?'

Come to see the band play just one song
You came all this way, pitched a tent and got covered in mud, just to shout all the way through a band's set because you want to hear their big hit single?

Pee anywhere and everywhere
I'd rather not see your bottom, thanks

Erect your own housing development on the campsite
How cute - you've roped off an area and put up spinning windmills and flags, we'll just go and pitch by the toilets shall we? Don't think so...

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