Louis XIV ‘The Best Little Secrets Are Kept’ Released 17/10/05 (Atlantic Records)

Dirty Pretty Things gone...

by Neil Condron
Monday, October 10, 2005

Louis XIV ‘The Best Little Secrets Are Kept’ Released 17/10/05 (Atlantic Records)

"In a course of drunken gaiety and gross sensuality, with intervals of study perhaps yet more criminal, with an avowed contempt of decency and order, a total disregard to every moral, and a resolute denial of every religious observation, he lived worthless and useless, and blazed out his youth and health in lavish voluptuousness". Samuel Johnson here was talking about the brief and wreckless life of seventeenth century rake and poet John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester. One imagines Johnson’s reaction to San Diego’s bawds extroadinaire Louis XIV would be a little less restrained…

And why? Because listening to ‘The Best Little Secrets Are Kept’, the quartet’s major label debut (bringing together material from their self-released E.P.s, eponymous album and new recordings) leaves you feeling dirty. Remember the parental outrage caused by The Outhere Brothers when the Mums and Dads of the nation went out to buy the jacking house-lite duo’s album for their only-too-knowing kids, only to hear some of the most literal porn-hop ejaculating from the speakers in the bedroom? Well, that’s not quite Louis XIV’s game – subtlety (well, some) and suggestion instead are the marks of an album that’s a filthy lyrical feast ‘Pledge of Allegiance’ contains the Jagger-ed gem that lifts the album from Jet-in-eyeliner nonsense to Rock ‘n’ Roll sleaze par excellence: “Milkshake Milkshake I love to feel you sweat/You don’t have to go the pool to get wet”, Ozzy-Iggy hybrid Jason Hill purrs through teeth clenched in sexual aggression, keeping a predatory hold on his lover while quoting the album title as advice.

It’s an album of questionable politics, as song titles such as ‘Illegal Tender’ and ‘Hey Teacher’, as well as the lyrics to the Hives-on-Heat strut of new single ‘Finding Out True Love is Blind’ proves. Throughout though, the boys are keeping their tongues out of girls for long enough to place them firmly in (their respective) cheeks. Their mischievous streak extends to the full-on plagiarism that runs riot on ‘The Best Little Secrets Are Kept’ - Marc Bolan’s estate, AC/DC and The Stooges are probably all consulting their legal people as we speak.

But the regally-named glamsters do have a tender side as well: ‘All The Little Pieces’ is a pretty, minor-key ballad in the vein (ahem) of Spinal Tap’s ‘Lick My Love Pump’ and suggests that you might just be able to take these boys home to meet Mother after all. In truth though, with an appearance on Jonathan Ross’s TV programme under their belts, she’s probably seen enough already to lock up her daughters. And with that first tip-toe step into the mainstream, we’re finding out that Louis XIV are one little secret that can’t be kept.

« Prev