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There’s a plastic covering on the mattress, a strange smell of something illegal floating around, and your neighbour has just received a note with those five magical words on it that define the time for most people: “I’m pregnant and it’s yours”. Nope, you’re not in prison, you’re at uni baby, and about to embark on the best three years of your life (and if you’re lucky, you might just remember parts of them by the end of it). Southampton’s a big city packed with everything a student (and for student read future AA member) could want. To save you the trouble of finding these little gems, we’ve put together a guide of everything you need. So sit back, open a tin of 7p beans, and prepare to be inducted….

First things first my friends – head to Portswood. This smaller part of Southampton is where you’ll all probably end up living if you pass/survive the first year, and has a venue to suit your every whim, from a casual pint to a bar crawl dressed in a toga.
Get cheerful on cheap booze in Clowns, the heart of Portswood. Grubby but friendly, Clowns draws everyone in by offering rock bottom prices and a great location, being attached to the area’s best club/hovel, Jesters. For a more sophisticated night, head to Sobar where you can check out a variety of upcoming DJ’s, chill out in one of the best beer gardens around, or grab a game of pool. If live music’s your bag, then The Hobbit might be more your pint of stout. A kooky, slightly gothic little hole, it draws in the most mixed crowd around, but is worth checking out for the cocktails.  The Gordan Arms may win smallest pub of the year, but has a great atmosphere, and is the closest thing to a classic old man’s pub (minus the old men of course).
If you want to kick off a night in town, then The Avonldale is your best bet. With house music creating a more club-like atmosphere, you can flash your scream card for some great discounts. If sport’s more you scene, then head to Varsity, which offers enough huge screens to catch the match de jour.

Clubs
 For a mix of music but a great grunge atmosphere, head to Jesters, a cheap hovel that pulls inexplicable numbers. Jesters downfall is that queuing begins at 8 on Monday, its key night, and reaches capacity within minutes of opening at 8.30, but seeing as you can buy a shot for 50p, it’s worth it. To avoid going there every night (something we’ve all been guilty of at one point) head to Kaos for more of the same. To catch some great indie music, head to Lennons, and for a night of rock or metal, grab a Saturday night Nexus. If dance is more your scene, there’s the gargantuan that is Icon/Diva. A huge double club, people come from far and wide to get down to some great chart dance or drum n bass. The most popular club around, however, is The Cube, and with 3 storeys of music, that’s hardly surprising. Be warned though, buy your ticket in advance or you may not make it in.

Venues
To catch some of the biggest names around, head to The Stag’s Head. Here you can catch the likes of Razorlight, Dirty Pretty Things and a plethora of other names in a roomy venue. For a more genuine, gritty feel, head to the infamous Levellers club. Some of the biggest names in history have played at this punky, back-room venue, from Oasis to The Libertines, and with a penchant for featuring bands on the cusp of greatness, it’s little wonder the club has the awesome reputation it does.

Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder, and if a weekend at Butlins sounds like a dream holiday, then Jumping Jacks could be for you…for those of us who grew out of balloon animals, Agadoo and cloth swapping under a blanket a few years back, avoid like the plague!

Southampton isn’t especially known for producing the greats, but it has managed to churn out a few worthies, like The Delays. Unfortunately, it is also responsible for inflicting Craig David on the rest of us. However, with one of the biggest student bodies around, there are enough great student bands around to catch, so keep an eye on the guy next door who drums till 5am as he might be the next Phil Collins-or he might turn out to be worth listening to.

Southampton is Britain’s second largest port.

You can still find Saxon and Roman remains about – architecture that is, not people.

The Titanic departed from here….oh well.