Killing In The Name Of Christmas Number One

Christmas is coming. Can’t you hear that sound? No it’s not the earth-shuddering rumble of Santa’s belly shaking like a bowlful of jelly. Nor is it the distant harmonising of Church choirs warming up their vocal chords for the holiday season. In fact, it’s the calamitous racket of numerous “anti-X Factor” Facebook groups all vying to be the de-facto choice of organised rebellion against the evil forces of Simon Cowell’s TV talent show phenomenon.

So far in the past week alone I’ve been invited to join groups asking for my support so that John Cage, The Cribs and, most bizarrely of all, ex-Britain’s Got Talent contestant Hollie Steel can stick it to the man with the ridiculously high-ride trousers come 19th December.

Naturally each of these campaigns wish to pick up the slack from Rage Against The Machine’s success against teen warbler Joe McElderry, so that a moment of pop anarchy can be instilled as a Xmas institution. Frankly speaking though, this image appeals as much as the time I asked Mr. Claus for the The Coral’s debut album and instead received Pepsi Chart Hits 2002.

So far the chief contender to challenge the X Factor’s annual push for the Xmas Number One is John Cage’s 4’33”, a classical track composed in three movements of absolute silence. Its associated Facebook group currently attests 17900 members and that number is rising at a rate that is faster than even those irritatingly premature festive Tesco’s adverts.

Worse than the flagrant air of elitism such a campaign carries though, is the immense sense of misplaced fervour that would underline any possible “victory”. When Zack De La Rocha and his band of rebels performed their celebratory gig at Finsbury Park this summer, they presented the homeless charity Shelter with a cheque for £62000. Should another such upset occur this year there are no indications that the same would transpire. Furthermore, even in the event such generosity should prevail, a greater total could have been raised by simply donating directly, thereby avoiding a profit split between various less generous parties.

In any case, when a protest becomes more about scoring a petty victory than posing a remedy or at least contributing in some meaningful way to the season of goodwill, then one can’t help but question its purpose. It takes a special kind of lunacy to make the occasionally charitable, often exploitative X Factor look good but with the latest wave of Rage replicas, the wheels for such a saddening conclusion are well and truly in motion.