Thursday 13th August 2015 by James Moore | Photos by WENN

The best, most obnoxious ways to get to the front of a gig

Required traits: lack of shame, mild intoxication, expert blagging abilities

Struggling to see your favourite artists's pores of sweat? Stuck behind a lanky giant? Here's our top tips for how to successfully make your way to the front of any gig.

Pretend you're looking for a friend: Dishonesty shouldn't be encouraged, but this is a white lie in the grand scheme of things. To add authenticity, raise one arm wildly in the air and press your mobile phone firmly to your ear, hopelessly shouting, "Can you see me!?" The people around you don't need to know that your phone ran out of battery hours ago.

Apologise: If you're not the deceptive type, then you'll have to practice your very best apology. Tone is also very important. You want to sound both helpless and regretful, as if you simply have no choice but to butt your way past some very unhappy and disgruntled individuals. "I'm so so soooo sorry."

The Human Chain: This is probably one of the most effective methods if you're in a large enough group of people. Join hands with your fellow comrades and simply push your way through the masses. Having some partners in crime will also reduce any feelings of uneasiness, guilt and general shame.

Be intoxicated: Alcohol will reduce your your inhibitions further and serve you well in your journey towards the front. You'll feel little remorse for your actions as you mercilessly shove your way past the statuesque hipster with his arms crossed.

Pretend you're in the band: If nothing else seems to be working, pull a Lee Nelson and buy a fake microphone before frantically barging your way through the crowd, screaming, "I'm supposed to be on stage right now!"

Be ruthless: If you're lucky enough to be blessed with a complete lack of tact or compassion, then simply get the job done. Don't make excuses and certainly don't apologise. We will salute your audacious ways.

Pretend to be security: So things are getting pretty desperate now. Find some appropriate attire and proceed to surge through the crowd with an expression that lets everybody know you don't enjoy music and are, in fact, at work.

We’ve all been in this position at some point. Regardless of what other people say or think, you’re the biggest fan on the planet. You want to look directly into the artist's eyes and taste their sweat, before swiftly snatching the set list and scurrying home to pin it proudly on your wall, AKA ‘The Musical Shrine.’

Alas, standing in your way is a swarm of obstacles that you’re going to have to carefully navigate if you want to reach that all important front row. Here are 7 tactics we’ve collected that will help you on your quest for a restraining order.

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