![David Bowie touring: Despite the fact that his voice - as his recent output attested -is still as powerfully distinct as ever, Bowie just doesn't seem to have any interest in taking it on the road. Tour promoter John Giddings says,]()
David Bowie touring: Despite the fact that his voice - as his recent output attested -is still as powerfully distinct as ever, Bowie just doesn't seem to have any interest in taking it on the road. Tour promoter John Giddings says, "Every time I see him now, before I even speak to him, he goes, 'I'm not touring'."
![Oasis reuniting: As long as both Gallagher brothers are still breathing, there'll be talk of a reunion - particularly considering they don't hate each other nearly as much as some former bandmates (*cough* New Order *cough*). Sadly though, Noel Gallagher isn't having any of it.]()
Oasis reuniting: As long as both Gallagher brothers are still breathing, there'll be talk of a reunion - particularly considering they don't hate each other nearly as much as some former bandmates (*cough* New Order *cough*). Sadly though, Noel Gallagher isn't having any of it.
![Prince at Glastonbury: For some reason, the closer this comes to being a reality, the more determinedly Prince wriggles away. He's still not forgiven Michael Eavis for allowing rumours to fly when he was in talks to perform a few years ago, and we just can't see it happening in 2016.]()
Prince at Glastonbury: For some reason, the closer this comes to being a reality, the more determinedly Prince wriggles away. He's still not forgiven Michael Eavis for allowing rumours to fly when he was in talks to perform a few years ago, and we just can't see it happening in 2016.
![Liam Gallagher releasing a solo album: We would explain why this is, but Liam himself put is so eloquently, we'll just reproduce his exact words:]()
Liam Gallagher releasing a solo album: We would explain why this is, but Liam himself put is so eloquently, we'll just reproduce his exact words: "Solo record are you fucking tripping dickhead im not a cunt." Quite.
![Led Zeppelin reunion:]()
Led Zeppelin reunion: "I can't foresee doing it again," says Jimmy Page, which is just a much more polite version of Liam Gallagher's "are you fucking tripping dickhead im not a cunt."
![Bill Murray stealing Wu-Tang Clan's album from Martin Shkreli: When news emerged that the only copy of Wu-Tang Clan's Once Upon A Time In Shaolin had been bought by the most hated man in America - AIDS drug profiteer Martin Shkreli, we didn't think the whole situation could get any stranger. Then a loophole in the contract circulated, stating that only Bill Murray could steal the album back from the buyer. Sadly, it turns out that ridiculous story was a hoax. We're sorry to raise your hopes.]()
Bill Murray stealing Wu-Tang Clan's album from Martin Shkreli: When news emerged that the only copy of Wu-Tang Clan's Once Upon A Time In Shaolin had been bought by the most hated man in America - AIDS drug profiteer Martin Shkreli, we didn't think the whole situation could get any stranger. Then a loophole in the contract circulated, stating that only Bill Murray could steal the album back from the buyer. Sadly, it turns out that ridiculous story was a hoax. We're sorry to raise your hopes.
![The winner of The Voice amounting to anything: This isn't simple anti-talent show snobbery. The X Factor, cruel and jaded as it may be, has produced some genuinely decent and lasting acts - Little Mix, One Direction, Ella Henderson etc. It's just, we're five seasons into The Voice UK now, and not one single contestant - even the winners - has made so much as a ripple in the music industry. The person in this picture is Leanne Mitchell. She won. We rest our case.]()
The winner of The Voice amounting to anything: This isn't simple anti-talent show snobbery. The X Factor, cruel and jaded as it may be, has produced some genuinely decent and lasting acts - Little Mix, One Direction, Ella Henderson etc. It's just, we're five seasons into The Voice UK now, and not one single contestant - even the winners - has made so much as a ripple in the music industry. The person in this picture is Leanne Mitchell. She won. We rest our case.
![Adele headlining Glastonbury: We're much less sure that this is a possibility since Adele announced a myriad of O2 Arena shows - a venue she repeatedly insisted she would never, ever play. But just a month or so ago, she again said that she will never play Glastonbury, so unless she's pulling another bluff, it still doesn't look likely.]()
Adele headlining Glastonbury: We're much less sure that this is a possibility since Adele announced a myriad of O2 Arena shows - a venue she repeatedly insisted she would never, ever play. But just a month or so ago, she again said that she will never play Glastonbury, so unless she's pulling another bluff, it still doesn't look likely.
![Chris Brown redeeming himself in any way: He's had about 13,412 second chances since his assault on Rihanna in 2009, and yet Brown has consistently shown himself to be a thoroughly unpleasant human being. Most recently, he referred to a woman who accused him of punching her in the face as an]()
Chris Brown redeeming himself in any way: He's had about 13,412 second chances since his assault on Rihanna in 2009, and yet Brown has consistently shown himself to be a thoroughly unpleasant human being. Most recently, he referred to a woman who accused him of punching her in the face as an "ugly, old-looking bitch."
![The Smiths reuniting: Morrissey is far, far too busy comparing meat-eaters to paedophiles to think about reforming The Smiths thank you very much.]()
The Smiths reuniting: Morrissey is far, far too busy comparing meat-eaters to paedophiles to think about reforming The Smiths thank you very much.
![Peter Hook making peace with New Order: Hooky has made his feelings towards his former bandmates very clear in several interviews with Gigwise, insisting that they are]()
Peter Hook making peace with New Order: Hooky has made his feelings towards his former bandmates very clear in several interviews with Gigwise, insisting that they are "masquerading" as New Order. Now he's sueing them for "secretly pillaging" the group's name, so it looks like things are more fractured than ever.
![Frank Ocean releasing his second solo album: We're being resolutely pessimistic about this, because we were waiting for it for the whole of 2015, and it never came. Once bitten, twice shy.]()
Frank Ocean releasing his second solo album: We're being resolutely pessimistic about this, because we were waiting for it for the whole of 2015, and it never came. Once bitten, twice shy.
![Noel Gallagher realising that music these days is actually pretty good: See also, Blur's Damon Albarn, and any other middle-aged male rocker.]()
Noel Gallagher realising that music these days is actually pretty good: See also, Blur's Damon Albarn, and any other middle-aged male rocker.
![Tool releasing their new album: In a recent interview, Adam Jones said that the band are on a]()
Tool releasing their new album: In a recent interview, Adam Jones said that the band are on a "little break" from writing. Because ten bloody years just wasn't enough of a break.