Bad: 50 Cent – Get Rich or Die Tryin’. Curtis Jackson plays Marcus, a drug dealer who yearns for hip-hop stardom. In what is a completely clichéd script, the emotionally stunted rapper suffers alongside the film’s predictability and use of stereotypes. Not a great acting performance. Still, probably beats having furniture lobbed at you at Reading.
Good: Jon Bon Jovi – Pay It Forward. Not a great film but the poodle-haired rocker is certainly not terrible (unlike his performance in U571). In a cast that includes Anglophile Kevin Spacey and child prodigy Haley Joel Osment, Bon Jovi more than holds his own as Ricky, the vest-wearing, beer swilling wife beater.
Bad: Sting – Quadrophenia. There are two significant problems with Sting’s portrayal as Ace Face, the uber-cool mod icon; first, he’s playing opposite the outstanding Phil Daniels, so any weaknesses are magnified ten fold by Daniels’ immaculate performance. Second, he’s playing an uber-cool mod icon when really he’s famous for singing about stalking people. You see the problem.
Good: Keith Richards – Pirates of the Caribbean. The Rolling Stones hellraiser saunters about meditatively as Jack Sparrow’s father. Johnny Depp based his characterisation of Sparrow on the guitarist in his drug-taking heyday and after a rather reserved performance from Richards; it seems Depp puts in a more vintage Richards performance than Richards does himself.
Bad: Prince – Under the Cherry Moon. For megalomaniac rock stars, film is yet another chance to prove how amzing they are. That’s why when they fall flat on their face there is always an element of schadenfreude felt amongst critics. Predictably, Prince is awful in his role as Christopher Tracey in this abysmal film about scamming money off rich women. What astounds me is why an actress of Kristin Scott Thomas’ calibre was enticed into such a disastrous project.
Good: Alice Cooper – Wayne’s World. Cooper’s cameo performance in the 1992 comedy prompted one of the most memorable lines of the early 90s. For that we're referring to the scene when Wayne and Garth kneel and bow reverently in front of the legendary rock star, chanting “We are not worthy”. And for that he is surely worthy of entry into the countdown?
Bad: Mick Jagger – Ned Kelly (1970 version) Mick Jagger as an Australian outlaw. Really we hear you say? It’s really a pitiful effort with the only positive being ‘Brown Sugar’ which Jagger wrote during filming.
Good: Snoop Dogg – Starsky & Hutch. Snoop Dogg is hilariously droll as the infamous informer Huggy Bear in this lowbrow comedy. Some pithy comebacks and great onscreen chemistry with Ben Stiller prove it was a wise decision for the rapper to move on from his pimping days.
Bad: Steven Tyler – Be Cool. Tyler plays himself in this truly shocking film. We reiterate the fact that there is nothing good about this botched effort to recreate the success of Get Shorty. Bet Liv could teach her old man a thing or two.
Good: Jack White – Cold Mountain. The ever-eccentric White gives a very convincing performance as Georgia in Anthony Minghella’s Oscar-winning film. Whilst also contributing a fitting soundtrack, he also managed to work wonders for the films publicity by getting romantically involved with co-star Renée Zellweger. Then again, he is no stranger to acting as he and Meg still keep up the pretence of being ‘siblings’.
Bad: Billy Idol – The Doors. Idol brings his unique style of acting to the role of Jim Morrison’s mate, Cat. Pulling cartoon faces and grunting like a spoilt adolescent is certainly unique. But unique isn’t always sensible. Not a great casting decision.
Good: Eminem – 8 mile. Eminem’s portrayal of an aspiring rapper who still lives in a trailer park with his mum is extremely watchable. Whilst composing a terrific soundtrack accompaniment Mr Mathers also manages to propel ‘rap battles’ into schools up and down the UK; meaning the kids have now moved off football stickers and are now focusing on their rhythmical cussing.
Bad: Andre 3000 – Semi-Pro. Rumour has it Andre didn’t have time to check out the script before being cast as Clarence “Coffee” Black in Will Ferrell’s slapstick comedy. In retrospect, not a wise decision eh Andre?
Good: David Bowie – Labyrinth. Sporting a massive blonde wig, Bowie plays the Goblin King in this 80’s cheese-fest. Sounds terrible doesn’t it? However, Ziggy Stardust excels in his role as Jareth and single handily makes this fantasy film appeal to all ages.
Bad: 3. David Bowie – The Prestige. Bowie plays the inventor Nikola Tesla in this compelling magician movie about intense rivalry. In such a veritable masterpiece I am completely dumbfounded with the casting of David Bowie whose attempt at a Serbian accent is just plain irritating.
Shame.
Good: Bjork – Dancer In The Dark. Bjork’s performance as Selma, a Czechoslovakian immigrant /single mother going blind, is both emotive and inspiring. For all her hardships, Selma finds that her salvation is rooted in dancing and singing. And of course, Bjork is no stranger to that.
Bad: Michael Jackson – Moonwalker. We know this can also be construed as more of an extended music video parading MJ’s polished dance moves and catchy tunes. But, just for that hideously inexcusable side-plot with Joe Pesci, Gigwise thinks the King of Pop should be inaugurated into this countdown. However, we did enjoy the videogame.
Good: Courtney Love – The People vs. Larry Flynt. Nominated for a golden globe for her convincing performance as Althea Leasure Flynt, the taboo-busting wife of an infamous strip club owner turned porno publisher. For all her wrongdoings, Love proves she can actually act. Very impressive indeed.
Bad: Madonna – Shanghai Surprise. Back in 1986, when the Material Girl first started gyrating onstage wearing next to nothing, she decided to give acting a go. Surprise, surprise, her portrayal of a nurse in this shambolic film is, shall we say, a shambles.
Good: Alanis Morissette – Dogma. Kevin Smith’s decision to cast Morissette as God was a stroke of pure comic genius. When asked if she had ever read the Bible. She replied “yeah but it’s patriarchal and sexist.” Cue controversy on so many levels. Brilliant.
Tags: The Rolling Stones
Musicians have been trying to break Hollywood for years, with some being more successful than others. For every hit there has been a miss, here Gigwise takes a look at those who have bombed and those that have shone on the silver screen...