The 2009 Mercury Prize Nominees Are The Worst Yet

It seems the old adage rings true, tremendously depressing bad news comes in threes. Yes, the economy is still ****ed, swine flu is going to kill us all and just in case anyone was in any doubt that the British music scene was a little more than stagnant, Kasabian have been short listed for the Mercury prize. It’s true! Unbelievably, riding on the back of their poorest album to date (and that’s saying something) the arrogant, over-achieving, under-performing cretins have secured a nod from what was (once) considered a highly respectable awards ceremony.

Disappointingly a quick scan down the rest of the list offers little consolation. Inexplicably over-rated La Roux has somehow made the shortlist, even though a) she is easily the worst of the new wave of female electro pop artists and b) she actually cannot sing – go on, just listen to the excruciating “ooooh” based bridge of ‘In For The Kill’ – and don’t give me that “unique voice” rubbish, it is out of tune, fact. Oh, and while we’re on the subject of talentless female artists, Florence and the Machine’s early 90’s sounding stink-fest ‘Lungs’ gets a mention as does the compulsive Bjork b-side raiding Bat for Lashes.

What else is on off then? Well, fans of the Latino demo mode on early 90’s keyboards will rejoice as the “euphoric, dance-floor fillers” Friendly Fires sneak themselves a spot on the list. As do Jesus and Mary Ch.... oh no wait, these songs are terrible, must be indoor sunglasses-wearing miserablists Glasvegas.

Of the “mainstream” names on the list, the best on offer is probably The Horrors. In fairness though, for a band that released a piss-poor debut album on the back of ultra-hype they really did a remarkable U-Turn bringing out the genuinely brilliant ‘Primary Colours’.  This is all the more impressive considering that, in my humble opinion, they collectively suffer the affliction of being astoundingly punchable. 

The token urban nod goes to Speech Debelle (...?) and the “outsiders” include Led Bib, Lisa Hannigan, The Invisible and Sweet Billy Pilgrim. Aside from Damien Rice backing singer Lisa Hannigan, I haven’t heard anything by any of these but can safely assume that even if their albums consist of recordings of arses being rubbed against various hollowed out wooden objects whilst howling, it’s a considerably better work than 'West Pauper Ryder Lunatic Asylum'.

Sadly, it appears the Mercury panel have decided just not to bother this year, no-one ground-breaking or even particularly exciting. They should have called it the “Early 90’s Sounding, Shit List” – much catchier and this way nearly everyone on the list (The Horrors aside) would have secured a worthy spot.