Tuesday 5th November 2013 by Gaby Whitehill

The best albums ever - torn to shreds by Amazon users

Hilariously vicious reviews of classic records from The Beatles, Nirvana, David Bowie and more

The Beatles, Abbey Road - "Lazy lazy lazy drivel. I cried I cried and I cried then I turned it off and played Slayer, and realized the Brits have nothing on Yankee music."

The Beach Boys, Pet Sounds - "To say this bland US combo are overrated is to vastly understate the simple truth that this band are no more, no less than a '60s pop act who used a few harmonies and a theramin and thus duped a whole load of people who don't know any better into thinking they were in some way 'psychedelic' or 'genius'."

The Clash, London Calling - "I would love someone to explain to me the appeal of this album. It's not bad, just deeply mediocre. Another reviewer has compared it to pub-rock, which is accurate. I live near a church hall where local bands practise. Many of them are as good as this, honestly! Presumably you had to be there, and if you were, it's your own past you are listening to, not this dull music."

Nirvana, Nevermind - "This is not good music. The lyrics are trite and the whole album has a negative, depressive feel that does not appeal to the average music listener's ear."

David Bowie, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars - "Vulgar and unpleasant album from the tiresome Bowie in his alien-comes-down-to-Earth-as-a-rock-star guise. Why he NEEDS alter-egos at all is a mystery; perhaps it's to fool us into thinking he's more interesting than he actually is, or not blame him when things are wrong. Some hope."

Patti Smith, Horses - "I love horses so I bought this album, "Horses", believing it was some kind of concept album about my favourite animal. How wrong I was! There's only song on here about "Horses", and it's not even called "Horses". It just has the lady singer repeating the word "Horses" over and over again. Like this: "Horses, horses, horses, horses, horses" ad nauseam."

The Smiths, The Queen Is Dead - "This is typical Smiths - miserable, self-pitying, hateful and depressing. Johnny Marr is a great guitarist - if only he had found someone other than Morrissey to team up with. I hate this album and everything it stands for. Morrissey poisoned a whole generation."

Michael Jackson, Off The Wall - "This was a terrible album and I wish Michael never made it! Just so generic and boring. His later work is what you want to buy, not this."

Pixies, Doolittle - "The only track I still have on my nano is Debaser and I only keep it there to remind me how dated this disc is. It was fine when it first came out but the music has gone stale."

Blur, Parklife - "One of the most dated albums of the 90's. I'm not sure which of 'Boys And Girls' or 'Parklife' is the worse."

Marvin Gaye, What's Going On? - "I have tried hard to like this album and have wasted too much time doing so. There are a few times when it is pleasant enough as background music but I am glad to give it away to someone who might enjoy it more than I do. There is so much Jesus is my Saviour and speaking to God which, even if sincerely meant, I found unbearably OTT."

Pink Floyd, The Dark Side of the Moon - "Nearly as overrated as My Chemical Romance. Just because people call it a classic it doesn't actually mean it's that good. There are only 10 tracks and all of them are really dull."

Bruce Springsteen, Born To Run - "This is not the "future of rock an roll" after all but just another example of cowboy rock. Guns N' Roses, Nickelback not great rock just cowboy rock."

Bob Dylan, Blonde On Blonde - "Let me ask you this. Would you have tolerated a bad voice, bad harmonica and pretentious lyrics if the person was a black performer. No way. Even now performers like Chuck Berry (in my opinion a much better songwriter than Dylan) are not appreciated. I think people do not actually listen to Dylan as much as they think they do. Nobody gets into rock to listen to rubbish like this."

U2, The Joshua Tree - "This is full of 'fillers'. Get Simple Minds' 'Once Upon A Time' instead. If the whole of America believed they were Scottish, instead of Irish (LOL!), we never would've heard of U2. And what do Americans (who gave U2 their fame purely down to Irishness) know about music? In England Bruce Springsteen wouldn't even be 'The Cleaner', let alone 'The Boss'!"

The Rolling Stones, Exile On Main Street - "I don't own any Stones music but went for this having read some favourable reviews. After ten minutes I reached for the painkillers and after another ten contemplated suicide. The most excruciating, piercing top end treble coupled with a detached mid-range and a boomy base. The vocals , if that is what they were, were dire. This is not music, it is a group of instruments clattering away all on their own with somebody yelling incomprehensible mouthings in the background."

The Velvet Underground , The Velvet Underground & Nico - "A good example of an album which is overrated to a degree that is surreal. One suspects that this has little to do with the music, and more to do with the mind set of the overrater on first hearing it. Badly sung, poorly played, mediocre, and in comparison to many albums released the same year, VERY conventional in musical terms."

Public Enemy, It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back - "Let's not beat about the bush. This album is a pile of tripe. Some prat with a silly watch and some other guy are angry and shout a lot instead of inspiring people to change things for the better. Maybe I'm too white and middle class to get what they are trying to say but whatever my social and economic background I just couldn't find any redeeming qualities in this album."

The Sex Pistols, Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols - "Just goes to prove that with the right amount of hype the least talented pathetic tw*ts get the most kudos. And every 5 years or so dear little Johnny is wheeled out as an 'Outragous Rebel', when really he has long ago become part of the establishment."

Joy Division, Unknown Pleasures - "I would first like to say that the music is fairly good and for its time it was truely different. However it's Ian's vocals that really let this album down. To put it simply, he could not sing and it's a real shame because there is real potential underneath. Unfortunately it sounds like a tone-deaf drunk guy trying to sing over a rather well written instrumental piece of music."

The Beatles, Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - "Having been born in 1959 The Beatles have plagued my entire life and seem set to do so for the foreseeable future. I hate this album. It's twee, banal and incredibly dated. I hate the lack of imagination of anyone who puts this anywhere in a "greatest albums of all time" list. The Beatles sounded feeble even at the time compared to say The Kinks or The Small Faces and this has not worn well."

Led Zeppelin, Led Zeppelin IV - "I blame George Lucas. Led Zeppelin should have remained a trilogy. Stairway to Heaven, classic? It is essentially the Jar Jar Binks of power ballads. Few people realize that Jimmy Page was actually in a coma throughout the recording of this album. They should have stuck to violating their fans' nether regions with sharks and left their ears alone."

Blondie, Parallel Lines - "Well you can tell there is going to be little attention to detail here. The parallel line on the redesigned cover are no longer parallel they are divergent (or convergent depending on which way you travel along them). If the record company cannot even understand the title what hope is there?"

Radiohead, OK Computer - "I bought this album when it had been reduced to 4.99, and guess what? It's a waste of 4.99. It is the most boring album I have ever heard in my life, and I have several hundred albums going back to the 60's. The singer is useless, the lyrics are pathetic and there are no "hooks" whatsoever. This music should be called suicide music and that is what you want to do after listening to this total rubbish."

Oasis, Definitely Maybe - "A terrible lot of old rubbish. Possibly some of the worst music in the entire history of Western civilization. The vocals are nazalised and grating. The music is an unoriginal copy of the Beatles, but without the imagination of Lennon/McCartney. If there was any justice, every extant copy would be burnt along with the original mastertapes, to prevent anyone ever having to endure the torment of hearing this "music" ever again."

Tags: The Pixies, Blur, Pink Floyd, Oasis, Velvet Underground, Pink Floyd, The Sex Pistols, Joy Division, Radiohead, Led Zeppelin, Michael Jackson, Bruce Springsteen, The Smiths, Patti Smith, Nirvana, David Bowie, Public Enemy, The Rolling Stones, The Beach Boys, The Clash, Blondie, The Beatles

There's a number of albums that will always feature in the 'best of all time' lists. They're universally acclaimed and pretty much untouchable.

Well, not so. Welcome to the world of insane, angry Amazon reviews. Of course, music taste is subjective so you can't fault anyone for disliking a record, but Amazon users seem to have a special way of expressing their thoughts.

From the woman who thought Patti Smith's Horses was actually going to be about horses, to the person who called David Bowie "tiresome", we've collected together some of the best one star reviews of the world's most revered albums. You never know, you may actually agree with some of them...