King of the Absurd - What Could Happen During Jacko's Comeback Shows?

So Michael Jackson has already postponed four of his shows at the O2 Arena in London this summer, well we never saw that one coming! To be fair to the self proclaimed King of Pop he does have a few things to worry about, what with everyone under the sun trying to sue his ass and also that small case of skin cancer that he may or may not have.

Is this the end of the woes for Jacko and his fans? Will the shows go without a hitch from here on in? We very much doubt it! In fact, knowing the history of his career we can only think that the 50 shows will turn up some of the weirdest events in the history of live music. Could Bubbles return from the dead and attack Jacko on stage? Will Elizabeth Taylor be unveiled as one of the backing dancers?

Here are five things we think could happen during the 'This Is It' concerts.

Jackson Appears On Stage For Less Time Than The Press Conference

According to some online reports Jacko is only contracted to appear on stage for 13 minutes with dancers, doubles and videos making up most of the performance. Maybe that's all his body can take (He doesn't exactly look fit does he?) and if it is anything like the press conference to announce the concerts we doubt anyone would want to see him stumble around and make stupid hand gestures for much longer anyway.

He Gets Trampled By An Elephant

Rumours have suggested that Jackson will ride an African elephant on to the stage at the beginning of the shows, surely that is just asking for disaster. All the flashing lights and screaming fans are sure to spook the poor creature, who will probably respond by throwing the King of Pop to the floor and trampling everyone in sight. Thus ends the career of Michael Joseph Jackson.

Swine Flu Strikes!

Earlier this week Jackson was photographed without his trusty face mask, not a good idea when swine flu cases are striking across America. 20,000 people a night watching him sneeze and cough on stage, it's a bloody incubator in the making! No doubt his representatives will deny he has any medical condition, even though the snot is pouring out of the nostril on his cheek and he does the moonwalk.

Jarvis Cocker Duets On 'Earth Song'

We can see it now, Jacko walking on to the stage for a triumphant encore and behind through the smoke walks a bearded, slightly bedraggled Jarvis Cocker. Thirteen years on from the BRIT Awards 'incident' and the pair have put their troubles behind them to perform a rapture inducing duet of 'Earth Song' together. It could happen, we live in hope.

Jesus Juice Goes On Sale Outside The Venue

You know those guys that stand outside venues selling hooky t-shirts? Surely one of them has had the idea to set up a stall selling Jesus Juice to all the punters going to the shows. You could give to your kids, who could then pretend they're having a sleepover at Michael's or having a ride on his private jet. Just make sure you check the alcoholic content before you give it to them, you don't want it to be too weak.

Here's some more merchandise we'd like to see on sale