The Juno Soundtrack Is For Wimps!

There are few things that I love more than immersing myself in a great film. At its very best, the medium can be every bit as life affirming, emotionally arresting and enriching as listening to a favourite album or going to a live show.  They are both essentially about escapism and providing compelling storytelling so that we may understand the human experience a little more.

Even better is when a film also exhibits an appropriately jaw dropping soundtrack. The music augmenting the images is every bit as integral as characterisation, dialogue and direction in my book.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about the greatest film soundtracks in the world ever…That has been done to the death and would probably amount to the equivalent of a general anaesthetic to you, dear readers. If it was, I would have featured such predictable greats as O’Brother Where Art Thou, Lost in Translation, Pyscho, Clockwork Orange, The Jungle Book etc..

No, this is a riposte of sorts to the absolute uproar caused by the Juno Soundtrack last year. Although an enjoyably average American Indie flick, the OST to Juno was very overrated. Despite featuring such musical talents as Kimya Dawson, Belle and Sebastian, The Moldy Peaches and Yo la Tengo, it was just too insipid to leave a lasting impression. It simply wasn’t the perfect marriage of visual and musical atmospheres that all good soundtracks should be.

So, if you aren’t afraid or too much of an Indie wet blanket, check out these harrowing film soundtrack alternatives: Not for the faint of heart!

1) Fantomas – The director’s cut

This definitely wins the coveted prize for most brutal sounding and downright disturbing film soundtrack covers album of all time. Though what else did we expect from a collaborative project featuring Mike Patton, Slayer’s Dave Lombardo and King Buzzo from the Melvins?

Sounding not unlike The Locust systematically tearing apart the set of Jonathan Ross’s Film 2009, the LP features fantastically terrifying noise metal versions of themes from The Godfather, an Ennio Morricone score, Cape Fear and The Omen. Be warned, the latter will make your entire day feel like a scene from a Resident Evil nightmare even if you’re happily skipping in a summer meadow, so use with extreme caution.

All in all, it is equivalent to a nice romantic night in with Dr Hannibal Lector. The Twin Peaks theme cover is utter balls though. Speaking of David Lynch…

2) Blue Velvet

Of all Angelo Badalamenti’s brilliant scores for David Lynch films, this remains the most haunting. It couldn’t be any more ‘Noir’, short of featuring shared guest vocals from Raymond Chandler and Humphrey Bogart from beyond the grave and the sense of unease is both palpable and unrelenting throughout.

Although the soundtrack stands alone with Russian inspired orchestral compositions sitting alongside the most bizarre use of Roy Orbison’s ‘In Dreams’, it is the perfect foreboding accompaniment to Lynch’s Hitchcock-inspired visual masterpiece.

Badalamenti somehow conjured up the pathos, voyeurism and rage at the heart of Dennis Hopper’s ‘Frank’, the unparalleled psychopathic screen villain role that launched his career.

3) Bloodsport

O.K., time for a bit of fun. It would take a very cold heart to not fall in love with the combination of power ballads and pure cheese on offer here. Paul Hertzog’s soundtrack to the ultra violent 80’s story of Frank Dux (a.k.a Jean Claude Van Damme, of course) is a winner every time. Although a bit of a video nasty at the time, I used to watch the film everyday on the sly as a kid and I turned out alright. Didn’t I? Saying that, I used to watch wrestling a lot and still now have to try hard to convince myself that I’m not Ric Flair so maybe parental vigilance should be exercised. ‘Bloodsport’ is an undisputed martial arts cult classic though.

The anthemic ‘Fight To Survive’ and ultimate tear jerker ‘On my Own’ are both sung by Stan Bush, a man that makes Lionel Ritchie sound like Sonic Youth.

In short, this soundtrack is bold as brass with more fine cheese than Borough market. It will apparently fetch you a few quid on e-bay too, due to a limited pressing. All together now- “Kumite, Kumite, Kumite!”

4) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Lets be perfectly clear- I’m talking about the original 1974 film here, the grimmest, most grotesque film ever made on a shoestring budget that has inspired an entire culture of spin offs, remakes and widespread unnatural fear of insane sledgehammer wielding men wearing masks of human skin. What's the matter now, a bit squeamish? Go back to Little Miss Sunshine and hiding behind the couch when the Daleks appear on Doctor Who then.

The fact remains; this is a great film score. It is full of tension and unpredictable composition with a theme that may not be as iconic as the original ‘Halloween’ but is equally bone chilling and memorable.

The combination of woozy synths and atmospheric dread apparently inspired Animal Collective in their formative years so perhaps they should soundtrack the next inevitable remake instead of a bunch of hulking poser metal retards that will no doubt be waiting in the wings? The horror, the horror…

5) ‘The Wrestler’ by Bruce Springsteen

I’m not going to include the entire OST for this but instead focus on the key track. Although tacked on to the end of the Boss’s recent lacklustre ‘Working on a dream’ album, it is easily the best song on there.

“Then you've seen me, I come and stand at every door
Then you've seen me, I always leave with less than I had before
Then you've seen me, bet I can make you smile when the blood, it hits the floor
Tell me, friend, can you ask for anything more?
Tell me can you ask for anything more?”

An absolutely perfect encapsulation of Darren Aronofsky’s very human story of suffering and redemption, it also happens to be one of Springsteen’s finest characters portrayals of the disenchanted, the shut out and the run down. It is The Boss at his least showbiz with the sheer empathy and Dylan-esque inhabitation of characters striking a truly resonant note at the film’s conclusion.