Stop Polluting Public Places With Crap Music!!

It’s official - society is in terminal decline. How will humankind survive when some still think it is acceptable to play music out loud on their phones? Fair enough, some people are ignorant and stupid, but we catered for those placing signs around public areas requesting that they don’t commit this unforgivable sin. Failure was inevitable - the simple English proved too strenuous on the offenders dwindling IQs. So we drew simple pictures to compliment the sign - they turned a blind eye and turned the tunes up. The braver of us took a stand, asking politely if they might cease with the noise pollution – to those fallen souls, our thoughts are with you.

It’s unclear whether they are completely oblivious to the rest of the world, or if they yearn for a reaction from others. Perhaps they imagine passers-by will commend them on their taste in music, or maybe inquire as to how the sound quality of their phone got to be so incredibly grainy. It’s like a revival in the 80’s obsession of ghetto blasters over the shoulder but with too much treble and much worse music. It’s a shame really, I’m sure there would be far fewer complaints, and therefore deaths, if mobile abusers were to opt for some soothing classical symphonies for example.

Anyway, mobiles are just one exceptionally irritating example of how it is increasingly difficult to find solace from the day to day audio assault. In the cities the problem is compounded, wherever you go an endless barrage of speakers seem to confront you. To make matters worse they are apparently programmed to spit out your least favourite song the moment you come within audible range. Stores and stalls, cabs, lifts, toilets, Fight Like Apes gigs - there is no escape from unnecessary and bothersome music.

As a man whose frame of mind is easily swayed by his environment I have always been meticulous about the music I am listening to reflecting the setting I find myself in. Naturally, this makes me particularly prone to being angered by having others tastes inflicted upon me – not that I’d take a stand against mobiles, I’d still rather have tastes inflicted than actual bodily harm. It seems the only way to avoid the daily aural savaging is to poke your own ear drums out and bury your head in the ground to be sure.

I often wonder if any consumers have strolled in to a store, bar etc. with particularly substandard music, turned their ears to the speakers and paused momentarily before becoming stone-faced and setting out on a ferocious rampage intent on maiming all. The ability of music to affect mood is remarkable, if it’s to be used in public areas it should be applied with extreme caution. Those who wish broadcast publicly should be subject to extensive background checks and face gruelling examinations. Perhaps they could be given a target demographic and required to recommend a particular genre to please:

“You find yourself surrounded by people wearing sunglasses indoors, neon accessories and jeans that are so tight bollocks are pushing through the fabric, what is your genre/artist of choice?”

Acceptable answers being electro, indie, Ting Tings, Klaxons etc.

Ok, that may be a little difficult to implement, failing that I suggest we enforce more apt choices, limiting specific areas and times to certain types of music. Vote now for Chopins ‘Funeral March’ on all forms of transport during commuter hours and Van Halens ‘Jump’ pumping out for the way home.