Flares, flares everywhere: Last year at Glasto, there were a stupid amount of flares lighting up the night sky. It was like a rave at the sinking of the Titanic. Where do you even buy flares from?

Flags too: Most UK festivals have had the good sense to ban flags in the main arena at festivals, but not Glasto. It looks brilliant in photos and on television, but is quite a pain in the arse when you're actually trying to see the stage.

Everything is being filmed: Remember, Glastonbury is being televised - the footage you gather by blocking the view of all around you by getting on your mate's shoulders to get something shakey on your camera phone is unlikely to beat that of the BBC. Soak up the atmosphere, live in the moment, and relive it on iPlayer when you get home.

Arcadia will melt your mind: Yes, THIS is what a good time looks like at Glastonbury. Make sure you pay Arcadia at least one visit during your first time for some awesome robot rave insanity, but prepare to queue for it.

It is massive: It may sound painfully obvious, but always be aware that the site of Glasto is absolutely huge. It takes a few hours to get from one side to the other, especially when drunk, as it's basically its own little world. Take care during night time adventuring, choose sensible meeting points for when you lose your friends and be prepared to get lost in every corner of Glastonbury's hidden wonders.

Camp sensibly: Unlike Reading, Leeds or most major UK festivals, there's no real separation between the camping and music areas - so you can essentially camp more or less anywhere you like. But if you think that camping as close to the Pyramid Stage or near the other huge attractions is a good idea, you're wrong. Areas of high footfall attract crazy levels of noise and a whole lot of mud. Choose wisely.

You can take booze anywhere: Yup, the beauty of the camping and music arenas being combined is that there's no stop and search from heavy-handed security guards demanding you ditch that warm can of Strongbow you'd craftily hidden in your pants. Roam free, roam drunk, your days of paying £5.50 for a pint of flat lager are over.

Glastonbury is the crap 'wacky' hat capital of the world. Thankfully indian headdresses have been banned from sale this year.

You're witnessing history: This is not just another festival with another standard line-up. The magic you're about to experience comes from the fact that Glasto naturally breeds the stuff that rock n' roll legend is made of.

You can probably go the duration without seeing any music: So vast and curiosity-filled are the never-ending fields of Glastonbury that you could easily get lost up a tree with a spiritual healer or watching some bizarre improvised circus stunts - forgetting that there any bands on at all.

The view of Glastonbury from the Stone Circle is breathtaking: Seriously, go at sunset - you will cry.

Sleep is tricky: Really, with so much happening in so many places ALL OF THE TIME, you will be lucky to sleep at all. Grab forty winks while you can or take a lot of Pro Plus.

Wellies are a must: Even if the weather forecast guarantees constant glorious sunshine, the infamous Glasto mud is always there - waiting to trap in its grip and swallow your sandals.

All that 'Glasto spirit' talk is true: There's a real sense of occasion, camaraderie and inclusivity at Glasto, and everyone is on it. Few other festivals have such an overwhelming sense of community. Prepare to get all love-y and meet your new best friends.

Everyone's here: Most festivals have a pretty set demographic of 18-30 white indie lovers - not here. You're about to party with people of every age, race, colour, creed; people of all tastes and backgrounds, and most of which are in fancy dress for some reason.

There's so much choice: Don't like the headliners? Well shut up with your complaining and go and see one of the hundreds of other artists on offer. If anything, there's too much choice - make sure you get hold of the line-up well in advance, circle those clashes and be prepared to make some very, VERY hard decisions.

Shouting 'Alan' is not funny and it never was: Seriously, don't be a tool.

Your friends are going to hate you: The flurry of Instgram and Facebook #Glastonbury updates, the constant memories and tales, the words 'you weren't there, man' - yup, you're about to give all of your friends plenty of reasons to despise you. But whatever, you win because you went to Glastonbury and they didn't.

Plan your exit now: Don't just show up at the coach stop or train station on the Monday after and expect a smooth journey home. The train away from Glastonbury can be one of the most mortifyingly depressing and frustrating ball-aches of all time. Be prepared and have a strong exit strategy in mind.

You're about to have the time of your life.

It looks like this: Everything you've seen on telly over the years is true - Glasto really is one of the most stunning festivals on Earth, putting the usual 'rent a stage' in a car park events in the shade.

There will be secret sets: Every year, at least one huge band shows up for a last minute, unannounced performance. Recent years have seen the likes of The Libertines and Pulp show up, with Radiohead, Beyonce, Avalanches and Paul McCartney all among the rumours to surprise us this year...