Futulele: Make loads of new friends at house parties by shutting off the music and showing everyone your incredible ukulele playing - without the hassle of actually having to learn how to play the real ukulele! (Source: iTunes store)
Mix Tape Pillowcase: Throw out your old childhood Harry Potter duvet set and replace it with this super cool mix tape pillowcase, to prove that you were alive and kicking during those brief few years when cassettes were in vogue. 'It's a cassette', you can tell people. 'You've probably never heard of them.' (Source: Uncommon Good)
Pocket stylophone: "I play the piano." "Oh that's cool I guess if you're into mainstream instruments like that. Personally, I prefer playing my stylophone. It's OK if you don't know what it is. It was my mom's in the '80s." (Source: Amazon.com)
Vinyl coasters: It's ok to use a coaster when you're under 40, as long as you're doing it in an ironic way, and they're made from something vintage. (Source: Amazon.com)
Rap colouring book: According to the product description, this "mixes hip-hop expertise with childlike nostalgia," so it'll go perfectly with the Game Boy you wear round your neck on a thick gold chain. (Source: Amazon.com)
Portable USB turntable: No more will you be restricted to only showing off your record player in the privacy of your own home - now you can play your vinyls on the tube, at the dentists, and even balance it in the basket of your fixie bike. (Source: Headfonics.com)
Vinyl bowls: Obviously. What kind of a monster would have vinyl coasters and NOT vinyl bowls? (Source: Modernartisans.com)
Guitar pick punch: Turn your debit cards into guitar picks, and show the world how much more important music is to you than money. Plus, if for some reason you regret turning your cards into plectrums, you can always just get money from Mum and Dad. (Source: Uncommongoods.com)
iPhone gramophone speakers: Retain the practicality of your iPhone (which has a cracked screen just to prove that, even though you pay 45 quid a month, material possessions just don't really matter to you) but pretend it's a gramophone when you're listening to Goat round a friend's house. (Source: Techfever.net)
Vinyl beard comb: This is providing the world has not, due to the overwhelming demand for bowls and coasters, run out of vinyls.