There's a great lesson to be learnt from yankee porn-alike Har Mar Superstar (he's the spit of Ron Jeremy), and it's one that Americans have been peddling since the dawn of the TV movie. Ya see kids, if you want something badly enough, it's yours, you jus' gotta believe. And how he must believe. Plump, balding and wearing the rankest rat's tail-cum-mullet you ever saw, Har Mar manages to ooze the kind of smug self-assurance you'd expect Brad Pitt to have after a thorough seeing to from the Mrs - and the girls love it.

There are no frills in tonight's show, and not many clothes either. One man, one backing track, one funky-assed tune after another, he skips from side to side bigging himself up between helpings of dirty, low-down lyrics. "I led her eyes to the bulge in my pants" goes the Prince-style lead as his gown comes off to reveal black silk jim-jams. He pushes a smooth electro/hip-hop hybrid that demands head nodding, foot tapping, hell, just full on crowd swaying action from start to finish, and new single 'Power Lunch' with its dull, winding 303 line is a prime example.

Unfortunately for Har Mar and everyone else in the venue there's a technical problem. No bass in the monitors, no vibe on stage. The man is finding it difficult to work his magic and he's not afraid to let everyone know. A cover of Stevie Wonder's 'Sir Duke' is marred by a look of pure frustration, and when the pyjamas come off and he finally flips himself onto his shoulders (it's a trademark move) you can tell his heart's not in it. "This is what you call going through the motions," he informs us, "I'm gonna do this last fuckin' song, then I'm gonna leave. Buy my fucking tunes." He does. We will.

Photos by Sakura Henderson :: [email protected]
& PhotoRay