You Know We Loves You: Goldie Lookin' Chain

Gigwise waits whilst the GLC manager, barters with his crew who are holled up in a pub far far away (or, quite possibly, the Weatherspoons down the road).  After promising to put all 47 million girls they’ve just met down for tonight’s guestlist, Eggsie and co agree to break thier many dinner dates to come back and talk to us.  We’ve heard, seen, and read that the Chain that is looking goldie are nothing short of warm, hilarious and  very much down to earth merry men, but now, as we wait for the gang to arrive, we’re beginning to wonder if it’s all just one huge act, and if really they’re just moody gits.  We apprehensively follow a fresh faced Eggsie to the “lovely sex room” and are quite relieved to find out that it is, in fact, no such thing… just seven stoned, happy chappies, ready to amuse…

Happy Valentines Day!  How many cards have made their merry way to you this year then?
Eggsy: Happy Valentines Day to you too (sly wink)!  How many cards did we get..? Errrm..none this year actually.  No, wait…well a couple of girls gave us a card in the pub, but we won’t be following that up...they weren’t very sexy or anything… But tonight should be good, what with it being all about looove and that.  Hopefully we’ll get some nice women up on stage for some dancing

Not only is it Valentines Day, but it’s also National Chip Week…bet you didn’t know that!  So, happy Chip Week guys!(collective .phps!)
Eggsy: What, like REAL chips?

Yes, chip shop chips…some newspaper was running a buy one get one free offer and we were going to give it to you as our little Valentines present, but then we realised it was one of those stupid ones where you have to collect tokens  - but the thought was there!
Eggsie: Ahh nooo that’s no good then is it? Can’t be doing with that!  Aww but thanks anyway, for thinking of us and our chip fetish.

So tonight’s the first night of the tour - how are you feeling about it all?
Eggsy:  Well, excited, obviously, it’s been a while!  But because we’re all quite lazy bastards we’ll probably get over the excitement soon enough and just be quite tired.  We got shit faced last night, and I wanna go home to tell the truth (!!)  And then Mysty'll start his moaning before long, making us tidy up and stuff, putting the world to rights and stuff.

Is Mysty the moaner of the group then?
Mysty:  No - Zane’s the biggest moaner, he complains about everything.  I’m more like the amusing moaner.  I’m not horrible, I’d like help children cross the road and stuff…but if someone was sitting next to me and they stank I’d definitely tell them

Personal space, that’s fair enough - what with you being a big megastar and all!
Mysty: Exactly!  Thankyou.

Have you got any hot tips on what’s coming out of Wales at the mo?  Any threats to your Newport crown?
Eggsie : Any hot tips?  My bell end man, haha! (?! Ok…)  Right. what’s coming out of Wales at the moment?  No nice girls I can tell you that, they’re all a bit fat to be honest.

Erm…we were talking musically….
Eggsie: Ah sorry! Musical wise…fuck all!  No, I tell you what, what’s Arran’s band called?
(We assure Eggsie that we do not know what Arran’s band are called! This is followed by much conferring within the gaggle)
... Elephant Rescue Project.  Oh wait, they might be split up now. But they were good.  Fucking wicked. The whole point about them was none of them could play anything so we’d all just go to their gigs to get pissed and laugh at them. They had to have bits of coloured tape on their keyboard to know what to play…but they were fucking amazing. 
Mysty;  There are some good things coming out of Newport but you’ll probably never get a chance to hear them.

Do you feel you’ve helped to inspire these new bands?
Eggsie:  We’ve taken drugs with most of them.  We’ve drunk from the same trough.  So I’d say definitely yes.
(To Gigwise) Do you want a drink of anything?  Cider, coke….do you want a cider enema (the first of many offers for a cider enema begin here…we refuse the hospitality)
Billy:  Manners!!!
Eggsie: Oh no, the two things I usually never ask a lady are her age and whether she wants a cider enema.  I’m sorry!  Stupid me…I really need to work on my lines!