More about: Christmas

Christmas time is here and we’re sending love to all hospitality and retail workers, caught in a never-ending loop of NOW! That’s What I Call Christmas. 

Sure, some newer names have tried their best to add some modern offerings to the classics list, but the originals remain on top. We know every word, every key chance, every jingle bell - but each track says something distinctly different about the listener.

Find out what your favourite chrismtas song says about you below…

‘Do They Know It's Christmas?’ - Band Aid

You're an empath, wholly altruistic and devoted to your charitable endeavours. In fact there's only one thing you love more than charity work, and that's telling everyone you meet about your charity work.

‘Do They Know It's Christmas?’ - Band Aid 2014

As above, but the last album you bought was 'Now That's What I Call Music 48'.

‘I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day’ - Wizzard

You're an optimist, you like the message of the song and you too wish it could be Christmas every day. You're clearly in touch with your inner child and horribly prepared for any degree of adult responsibility.

‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ - Mariah Carey

You can't get enough of the Christmas season. Your decorations are up on December the 1st, your Instagram is plastered with images of you in your ironic Christmas jumper and you're the first in line at Winter Wonderland because you just love paying £14 for a wet churro in a field. What's that? A thimble-full of mulled wine? £45? Count me in! 

‘Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree’ - Brenda Lee

You're a dreamer. You imagine yourself in your favourite Christmas movies and dream about what you'd do if you were the lead character. You ponder where you would take Zooey Deschanel on a Christmas date in Elf, what your cardboard sign would say for Keira Knightley in Love Actually, which burglar to tie up and shag first in Home Alone.

‘Sausage Rolls for Everyone’ - Ladbaby, Ed Sheeran, Elton John

You tell people you listened to this song to help the charity appeal last Christmas, but it was your top song on Spotify Wrapped this year. Perhaps you're just a person of simple pleasures. Perhaps you're just simple. 

‘Silent Night’ - Franz Xaver Gruber

You're a small 'c' conservative, you respect tradition and the true meaning of Christmas. You refuse to sing the original German version because Jesus was English after all. Other things you love about Christmas are the English Royal Family, your English Christmas tree and English Traditional German Christmas Markets.

‘Fairytale Of New York ‘- the Pogues (feat. Kirsty MacColl) - original lyrics version

You're a realist. Level-headed and rational. Yes, it's a bad word, but you've got to remember that the song was written a long time ago. Christmas is about tradition and you've decided that an important part of your tradition is gleefully shouting ho-ho-homophobic slurs in the pub. 

‘Stop The Cavalry’ - Jona Lewie

You're a dub-a-dub-a-dum-dum.

‘Bad Sharon (feat. Tyson Fury)’ - Robbie Williams

You're quite the cheeky chappy aren't you. You probably bought all your Christmas presents at Menkind. You're the first to suggest a raunchy ice-breaker game for the office Christmas party, and the first to have your contract terminated for gross misconduct the next day.

‘Happy Xmas (War Is Over)’ - John Lennon 

You're a staunch pacifist and a committed activist. You have just one Christmas wish, for war to be over. You hope that your pop song will heal the world. (War is over) (If you want it). Unfortunately as you can see, war is not over. You must not have wanted it hard enough.

‘Driving Home for Christmas’ - Chris Rea 

To you, family is everything. There's nothing you love more than driving home to see your family at Christmas… literally, driving home is your favourite bit, because it's the only time you'll get any peace and quiet and if your nephew makes you film one more tik-tok you might be left with no option but to fake your own death.

‘Stay Another Day’ - East 17 

You're spontaneous and exciting, and a little bit dangerous. When you set your mind on something you make it happen. You get a craving for a late night potato feast? You have a late night potato feast. You fancy a midnight drive, just for fun? You go for a midnight drive, just for fun. You feel like running yourself over whilst leaning out of your moving car to vomit up the aforementioned potato feast? You make it happen. You're a do-er.

‘Carol of The Bells’ - Mykola Leontovic

You reject the notion of a comfortable Christmas. You crave drama, excitement, passion. You want to be frightened. You light the brandy-soaked Christmas pudding and pray with every fibre of your body that the fire spreads. Christmas is coming.

‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’  - Jimmy Boyd

You saw YOUR mummy kissing Santa Claus didn't you. Except it wasn't Santa. It was the boiler repair man. And they were doing a lot more than kissing. You tried to forget it. No amount of sherry can make you forget. So you try to overwrite the memory, to make it cute. You almost believe the lies.

‘Christmas in L.A.’  - Vulfpeck

You're a little bit alternative aren't you… you're proud of your diverse music taste, and indeed your diverse tastes generally. You insist you can tell the difference between the 24 beers in your craft beer advent calendar, despite them all ostensibly tasting like the same diseased foot. You get yourself in the festive spirit by starting a hate campaign on twitter against a single mum who tried to raise money for the NHS by singing the festive but problematic 'Baby It's Cold Outside'. 

‘Baby It's Cold Outside’ - Frank Loesser 

You're a sweet and thoughtful person. You just wanted to have a little fun, and raise some money for the NHS. You thought you'd cover your favourite Christmas song and put it on YouTube to raise money for charity. You didn't think about how the lyrics were outdated. The next thing you know, you've been branded a misogynist and cancelled by a craft-beer-drinking web developer in Hackney.

‘It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year’ - Andy Williams

You love the classics. You don't like the new stuff. You resent the endless stream of poppy new Christmas songs, you call them bare-faced cash-grabs and anthems of commercialism. Remind me, how much did you spend this year on designer crackers in Oliver Bonas?

‘2 Become 1’ - Spice Girls

You're alright you are. I like you.

Grab your copy of the Gigwise print magazine here.

More about: Christmas