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Getting one band together in the same place at the same time is not a task many would envy. Trying to get three bands to do that, is something which might prove impossible for some- but for Gigwise it was just another days work. The one and only Metro Riots and Leeds finest 10,000Things were to split the gossip over a dictaphone (and a drink or two), but as soon as the enigmatic frontman of London’s finest up-and-coming band DOGS turned up, things stepped up to a whole new level.
Sliding up to Johnny Dogs as he stood causally at the bar in Cargo’s dimly lit stage room, Gigwise asked if he wanted join in himself, but was told it was only on one condition- he got to ask the questions. OK! OK! No panicking, this could be done, Gigwise could find all four Riots, six Things and one Dog and get them all in one place no problem…or not…
Waiting for the Metro Riots to finish their blinding set that was part of Stylish Riots’ ‘Sunglasses and Crowdsurfing’ all dayer, (the Things having ripped up the place about two hours earlier), Gigwise watches patiently as Johnny writes down his questions; eyes flickering from the array of bottles lining the mirrored wall of the bar to the small sheet of tattered paper as he scrawls, crosses out and does it again in thick black marker. Then promising to be outside in ‘five minutes’ (time means nothing to a band- just ask any tour manager) Metro Riots collect their cool as Gigwise goes round the back of Cargo to accost the artful dodger, AKA Sam Things (lead vocals) and drags him and Johnny down the back alley way, where, after a few minutes of frantic running around and yelling - ‘Metro Riots! Outside! Naaaow!’, Led Zeppelin’s love children join the threesome.Gigwise: So you speak into it like this… (Johnny is given a crash course in how to use ‘this fucking thing diactaphone’)
Johnny Dogs: “What if I get a new song idea mid interview? Shall I get it down?... Wait a second, this doesn’t make fucking sense. What’s the interview for?”
Gigwise: For Gigwise
Johnny: “And you’re supposed to be doing it… and I’m helping you out…” everyone bursts out laughing and Gigwise’s protests regarding creativity are ignored whilst he points the dictaphone at Sam Things. “In order or importance, list your favourite 10,000Things”. With hands in his pockets and a broad smile he replies; “Sam…oh right I thought you meant band members! My dick, my mouth, my vocal cords, my hands and my legs”
Johnny: “Now it’s Metro Riots turn”. He thrusts the dictaphone between Damo (vox) Danny Fury (guitar) and Ollie (drums) - their bassist having since disappeared along with the other five members of the 10,000Things. “Why aren’t you as good as DOGS?” They all laugh as he asks again “if you had no conscience, I don’t know how you’ll respond to this question, how would you kill…” Gigwise would love to be able to print the rest, but will leave you guessing as to the question and Danny’s answer!
Johnny: “Maradonna or George Best?”Sam Things: “George Best…Maradnonna looks like a football, George best is still getting laid and he’s got a new liver”
Danny: “With Maradonna he plays my kind of football, ‘cause I’m more of a volley ball guy, and he scores goals with his hands like that…” He demonstrates the shooting technique.
Johnny: “I’ve got one more…Do you love JCC?
Damo: “Who?!”
Sam Things: “Is that the guy out of Backstreet Boys?”
Johnny: “And part b to that question is- do you know what I’ m on about?!”
Damo: “That’s job club isn’t it?”
Johnny: “No it’s John Cooper Clarke”
Sam Things: “I Love John Cooper Clarke, he’s a Manchurian poet, songwriter, singer. He’s a genius. You should definitely pick up an album”. Johnny turns to everyone and looks them all in the eye- “I raised that because everyone should. Right,” he continues “that’s the ones I’ve got written down so now Emily (he turns to Gigwise), since it’s your job… (again, much laughter at this writer’s expense)… you can take over”. There’s a round of applause and whistling for Johnny as he hands back the dictaphone, smiles, and takes a half bow.
The attention turns to Sam Things who’s been asked if there are any new releases coming up following 10,000Things’ debut album. “No.” he replies. “The band aren’t splitting up…” (there have been rumours but thankfully that’s all they are).
Gigwise: What do you think of the Metro Riots?
Sam Things: “What? In front of them?!”
Gigwise: Yes
Sam Things: “We had the worst gig in Aldershot, played to four people, and with these guys watching us it was eight people, we played to each other and since then we’ve been very close”
Johnny interjects. “Me and Luciano (rhythm guitarist of DOGS) rate ‘Eating’s Not Cheating’ (Things signature song) as the best single of last year, when’s it coming out as single?”
Sam Things: “You’ll have to speak to the record company ‘cause I don’t think we’ll be getting anymore singles out”
Johnny: “Should it not be the new Mars advert campaign tune?”
Sam Things: “Weight Watchers have been in touch…no it’s not coming out as a single, I wish it was”
The Metro Riots on the other hand have as Ollie put it, “been having a rest. We’ve only had one gig in the last couple of weeks”. And as far as a record deal is concerned for the Riots, Gigwise has been told “you name them, they’re demo-ing us”. They also recently supported Babyshambles at KoKo, playing to a jam packed venue, and when asked their opinion on the infamous band, he says "they're not bad", or as Damo eloquently puts it - “when it comes down to it, he’s [Pete Doherty] good at what he does, just not at what we do. I’d rather be playing with 10,000Things again- if Sam Riley (Things) ain’t the next caucasian Barry White … he’s a sex symbol! The northern Barry White!” Sam blushes and shrugs his shoulders at this flattering remark. The conversation takes a turn as-Ollie: “Sam informed me the other day that flashers, not only do they flash but they wank as well when they’re flashing”
Sam Things: “They Do! An idea of a flash is when you ejaculate just as the person you’re flashing at is walking past...” this ‘stimulating’ topic continues for some time “…as long as it’s not bestiality anything goes”. Then Sam Riots (who has decided to grace the company with his presence) asks; “Does the victim matter then?”
Sam Things: “The victim matters ‘cause that’s the only way I’m gonna get off!”
Sam Riots: “But you’ve already done most of the work before the victim’s come along anyway!”
Sam Things: “But it’s a bit like sex…”
Photos by Linda Chasteau
