More about: Glastonbury Festival
Pray none of these ever happen to you...
Festivals are great fun, but there's one aspect no one enjoys: the toilets. The sight, the smell, the entire experience. None of it's nice, and everyone comes home saying the 'had a great time, but the bogs were awful'.
But you might feel a little better about your festival toilet experiences after reading this horror stories. Ever got your head stuck down a portable toilet? Found a man hiding under the seat? Raved in a tent covered in human waste? Well, some people have done just that...
The girl with her head stuck down a toilet
'Poo Girl' became infamous in '09 after she had to be removed from a toilet by a crew of firemen. She got stuck after trying to fish her hand bag out of the pit. To be fair it had her train ticket and phone in it.
Man gets in toilet looking for more drugs
Perhaps this made sense at one point, perhaps this fella had seen Trainspotting too many times, but at Oregon Country Fair a man became trapped in the toilet pit after venturing in to look for drugs. Don't believe us? Check out this picture, taken by security at the event.
Woman finds man hiding under toilet seat
In 2012, at the Hanuman Yoga festival in Boulder, Colorado, one woman had the unpleasant experience of lifting the seat on a portaloo toilet to find a man hiding in the waste tank. The man later fled, covered in s**t, but was subsequently arrested and labelled a pervert. After initailly admitting to the crime, he later denied it.
Toilet truck blows instead of sucks when clearing Glasto mud
Organisers at 1998's Glasto thought they were being clever when they brought in a toilet truck to suck the six inches of mud from the dance tent so people could, well, dance. Unfortunately they had the truck set to 'blow' instead of 'suck'. You can imagine what happened next...
Port-A-Loo flipping leaves festival goer truamatised
Flipping port-a-loo's with people in them sounds funny third hand, but one unlucky festival goer revealed in a forum thread that he'd suffered post truamatic stress and had been off work after believing they were going to drown in other people's s**t in a flipped loo.
Glastonbury toilets sink in the mud
Heavy rain in 2005 saw not only the fields get water-logged, but the streams running through the site burst their banks. The festival toilets promptly sank in the quagmire, spreading human waste through the expanding sea. What's worse, one of the bars sank.
Watch punter-shot footage of the 2005 flood below
And toilet troubles apparently don't discriminate, being a celebrity won't help you...
Calvin Harris trapped in port-a-loo by Madness
DJ and producer Calvin Harris failed to see the funny side when mischievous ska icons Madness trapped him in a port-a-loo at Camp Bestival. Festival organiser Rob Da Bank was forced to intervene when Harris emerged with a face like thunder.
Jameela Jamil stuck in port-a-loo during The Prodigy
T4's Jameela Jamil became fairly familar with festivals thanks to her job, but all the experience in the world won't stop you getting stuck in a port-a-loo apparently. And when The Prodigy are playing, no one can hear you scream.
Taking acoustic guitars: Seriously, did you not think there would be enough live music at the festival?
Bringing suitcases: Yes it is tough hauling holiday luggage across a field, isn't it?
People who moan about everything: It's three days of dirt and hangovers. Suck it up and make the most of it - or just stay at home
Bringing camping chairs into an arena: No one cares that you have had your picnic area laid out since 11am, that six-metre area on the grass (for four people) doesn't belong to you (see Latitude festival 2012)
Pitching your tent on top of someone else's tent: There's nothing quite like waking up with someone else's head touching yours - through two sheets of nylon
Stealing: Just, no
Starting inappropriate mosh pits: Ed Sheeran and Two Door Cinema Club should not have circle pits
Angry people as you try to push your way OUT of the crowds: We're not taking space, we're making more space for you. Drop the aggro
Noisy sex in tents: Especially on a Sunday. You haven't had a wash for three days
All night talkers in camp sites: We get it, you're still drunk or high, so how about you make the most of the buzz at the late night tents in the festival instead of making a complete racket in the camping area?
The human centipedes - OF RUDENESS: Linking arms and pushing to the front is unacceptable at any time. We don't care what excuses you use as you push and shove your way through the already-packed crowd - it's just rude
Filming the set with a f*cking iPad: If you thought phones at gigs are bad, iPad b*stards are a whole new level of hell
Pissing in cups - and throwing the cups into the audience: We're fine with not washing for a few days - but that's just disgusting
Drug dealers who appear to have taken half their supply: Sorry sir, your bug-eyes and incessant chewing has put us right off your wares. We'll stick to Strongbow tonight
Jumping around in the crowd wearing a massive rucksack: You don't have a tent where you can leave that thing? Or is it just full of your wet-wipes, moisturiser, rug, spare flip-flops and iPod speakers and other entirely unnecessary festival clutter...
ALAN! STEVE!: Shouting this was funny. In 2009
Front row statues: You waiting for two hours to stand there motionless (and probably dehydrated) at the front for your favourite band? Way to go, fun people
One-song fans: You came all this way, pitched a tent and got covered in mud, just to shout all the way through a band's set because you want to hear their big hit single?
People p*ssing everywhere (and not just the men...): And you can't walk the 20 yards to the urinals because...? See below for evidence of the consequences of such actions
Campsite real-estate developers: How cute - you've roped off an area and put up spinning windmills and flags, we'll just go and pitch by the toilets shall we? Don't think so...
Selfie sticks: Now vanity comes with an extendable arm
Getting on your mate's shoulders for the whole set: Sure, it's great for TV coverage of Glastonbury - but a misery for everyone behind you
More about: Glastonbury Festival
Photo: Still
