P Diddy Will Put The Bling Back Into English Football

He's a rapper, record producer, actor, men's fashion designer and dancer, yet now P Diddy looks set to add another title to his illustrious business portfolio: football club chairman.

If reports are to be believed, the rapper – real name – Sean Coombs is preparing to table a £360million offer for Crystal Palace, the London-based football team currently languishing at the bottom of the Championship table.

Since the club entered administration in January, it's fair to say that a US hip-hop star was probably not that high on their list of saviours. But after looking at the books of other similarly impoverished clubs, P Diddy was apparently been won over by – among other things – Crystal Palace's name.

Although it's not clear whether the rapper (who has been known to change his own name from time to time) would insist on the club being re-branded Cristal Palace in honour of hip-hop's favourite bottle of bubbly, it has got us thinking: as chairman, just what he change?

The Starting XI:

Clearly Crystal Palace's current starting line-up, which includes names such as Darren Ambrose, Julián Speroni and Stern John, would not suffice with P Diddy in charge. The self-proclaimed 'Bad Boy For Life' should instead look towards building his team around English football's current bad boys: Ashley Cole and John Terry. We're sure that if the three men got their little black books out, they could come up with a full squad fit to take on the likes of Coventry City and Doncaster week-in-week-out. Or, at the very least, they'd be able to find a desperate wannabe WAG between them.

The Stadium:

Decrepit. Rustic. Weathered. Whatever you word you use to describe Selhurst Park, the stadium in South Norwood certainly wouldn't be adequate enough to cater for that kind of team. As a bona fide hip-hop mogul, we would advise P Diddy to invest in some other existing properties, such as the more suitable Wembley Stadium, which could house Palace's current dismal attendance of about 14,000 ten times over.

The Kit:

With the likes of Terry and Cole in his side and a new stadium to play in, P Diddy's Cristal Palace would certainly need a strip to match. And lets be honest, the rather vile looking red and blue outfit that the clubs' players are subjected to competing in would not suffice. Instead, they'll be kitted out in some of the finest garments from the rapper's Sean Jean range, which has been described by some as “fashion Viagra” - something that would probably go down quite well with certain players.

The Mascot:

Crystal Palace's starting XI are currently led out onto the pitch every home game by Pete The Eagle, who is, as you can imagine, just a man dressed as a bird. Boring. Everyone knows that the only birds P Diddy likes are the type blessed with something a little bit more interactive than a beak. Consequently, we expect that with the rapper in charge Crystal Palace will find themselves walking out for every home game behind a rather long parade of scantily clad women.

The Sponsor:

Sean Coombs Inc., or course.

Are there any other sweeping changes P Diddy would make to Crystal Place? Or can you think of a more suitable buyer? Leave your comments below.