It’s important to remember that the IKEA Pride-inspired love seats cannot hurt you. Some of them may even be benevolent. We cannot know.
The Wonderful Everyday faltered on Tuesday (29 June) as the Canadian branch of everyone’s favourite Swedish furniture purveyors shared product images of ten love seats “inspired by different Pride flags”. Leading the charge of corporations trying a bit too hard during Pride month, the settees have been unsettling people all over the world.
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Here, we assign each a song in the hope that it makes you feel a little less antagonised by them.
(N.B. The songs have been chosen based on the settees' appearances alone, not what they represent)
The Smiths - ‘Girlfriend in a Coma’
Inspired By The 2spirit Flag
A flag that celebrates the specific genders of Indigenous North Americans, its corresponding seat has a vaguely threatening aura. A touch of black feather and the rainbow emerging from behind its right couch cushion make its aural match ‘Girlfriend in a Coma’ from The Smiths’ final studio album Strangeways, Here We Come. Classically Marr/Morrissey in its joyful/depressing push and pull, is the joy emerging from the darkness or is joy being swallowed by the dark?
Alice Cooper - 'Feed My Frankenstein'
Inspired By The Asexual Flag
Prepare to be swallowed whole by the gaping tulle maw of this love seat.
Death Cab for Cutie - ‘Soul Meets Body’
Inspired by the Transgender Flag #1
With its illustrations of wildlife and lovers, the first of two Transgender flags has the same energy as a Death Cab for Cutie song: specifically, the tentative indie joy of ‘Soul Meets Body’. A little saccharine and twee, but overall just quite lovely.
Robin Thicke, T.I., Pharrell Williams - ‘Blurred Lines’
Inspired by the Bisexual Flag
It’s this settee that has been keeping peoples’ heads on a swivel the past few days. Does it move interminably around the room at night? Does it appear in the mirror behind you? Creepy vibes abound, as in exploitative bop ‘Blurred Lines’.
Enya - ‘Only Time’
Inspired by the Lesbian Flag
It's 1999 and you're sitting on this sofa taking in the soundscape around you: 'Only Time' competes for space alongside the screech and burr of the internet modem, the ever-playing episodes of Changing Rooms and Who Wants To Be A Millionnaire? - and your loud worries for the moment planes begin falling out of the sky as the time ticks over to the new millennium.
Taylor Swift - ‘ME!’
Inspired by the Progress Flag
Nice in concept, cool in development (Brendan Urie is going to star!), in practice, the Progress Flag love seat is altogether just a little much. “Like a rainbow with all of the colours”, it’s hard to tear your eyes - and ears - away.
Jojo Siwa - ‘Kid in a Candy Store’
Inspired by the Pansexual Flag
It’s a toss-up between the representative song for this settee being childlike or excessively grown-up: we can imagine it in either setting. We’ve done for the former here though, and spotlighted JoJo Siwa’s sugarpop, none of which is more sugary than this.
Katy Perry - ‘California Gurls’
Inspired by the Transgender Flag #2
Have you seen the video for this one!? Seems pretty clear to us.
Depeche Mode - ‘Freelove’
Inspired by the Non-Binary Flag
A touch of kink thanks to the leather-looking straps with metal links, Depeche Mode is a good one to reference here. They have tonnes of good songs, right! They do indeed. This isn’t the moment to wheel any of those out though: caged and musty, it’s got to be the shudder-inducing ‘Freelove’ from the unforgivably horny 2001 album Exciter.
Vengaboys - 'Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!!'
Inspired by the Genderfluid Flag
Splashes of pinks and purples smack of Europop, while pools of cartoonish black indicate the bassier side of the genre that birthed a million trips to Ibiza.
