More about: BLM

What if your favourite band is actually a load of old shit? Someone, somewhere definitely thinks so. Here, our writers out their dirtiest secrets and write about why some of the most popular indie bands of all time are some of the absolute worst.

Discretion advised...

The Strokes

It’s not that I hate The Strokes: they’ve done nothing to offend me. But maybe that’s just the problem. I have absolutely zero interest in or thoughts on the band, despite having their dull ‘Someday’ blasted into my ears since I was a bright young teen. It started with my first boyfriend's band on a community centre stage, rounding off their set with a remarkably enthusiastic cover of the painfully unenthusiastic ‘Is This It’. And its continues to this day: always there on indie boys' insta stories...making me feel nothing. Too loud and too lifeless. (Lucy Harbron)

The National

The National: patron saints of boring white indie. Isn't it obvious that music should always try to be fun? And when that’s not possible, it should at the very least try to be good. With The National’s music, neither is the case. They are the musical equivalent of watching paint dry; and not even very exciting paint, just an extremely boring shade of beige. I'm sure that Matt and the boys are probably really nice people but their music is just Radiohead for people who think that Punk IPA is a top tier beer. 

Sure, they may have one or two okay songs for when you’re a bit sad but honestly, just admit that you got drawn in by the serious-looking men and expected something better. Don’t kid yourselves into thinking that they’re actually a good band. Why? Because they are horrifically boring. Lock up their instruments and throw away the key, thanks. (Josh Williams)

The 1975

The 1975 - the Matty-fucking-Healy show - are without doubt one of the worst bands going right now. Their blend of pop and post-rock is so outrageously bland that even Coldplay look interesting in comparison. 

They take themselves so seriously too, considering how twee and plastic the tracks are. Healy himself is pretentious and unimaginative too: I mean, one of their albums is called I Like It When You Sleep, for You Are So Beautiful yet So Unaware of It, which is just about the wankiest album title ever conceived. I could forgive the pretension if the music was good, but it’s bland, boring, bullshit pop. I don’t believe that any member of the band gives two shits about the content of their songs, it’s just more soulless pop for Radio 1 to spoonfeed people. 

Not to mention Healy’s own history of questionable Tweets and outbursts. He frames himself as a ‘woke’ musician but the activism is nothing more than performative - Healy and co use their platform as left-wing artists to sell records and nothing more. I don’t give a fuck about your army of Twitter stans, 1975, you’re shite. (Charlie Brock)

Oasis

I don’t usually like to call people 'hacks'. It’s an easy and often undeserved criticism that folks will label anybody they don’t like as. I, however, reserve it only for the Gallagher brothers. They are hacks in every definition of the word. They told the nation’s youth that lyrics don’t matter, overdrive is all you need, cosy up to the establishment, and only ever aspire to name-drop. No wonder Britain has an unhealthy obsession with its past when, for well over a decade, the country’s most popular band was led by a singer who claimed to be Lennon reincarnated, and a songwriter who has shamelessly ripped off whatever he can grasp at, from T-Rex to a Coca-Cola advert from the '70s. Oasis are a punchline: Thatcherism disguised as working class liberation. They are to popular music what Harold Shipman was to medicine. (Cameron Sinclair Harris)

The Sherlocks

If I had three words to describe The Sherlocks I think I’d have to choose ‘average at best’. There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance and these lot cross it every time; for a band severely lacking in stage presence/chemistry as well as general etiquette, it’s easy to see why they felt it was necessary to portray themselves as higher up the bill on a festival line up than what was the reality. Their attitude towards ‘non-established’ parts of the music industry (which was essentially 'if you’re not well known then we don’t care and won’t listen to you', in case you missed it) really coincides with the quality of music they put out and tells you all you need to know considering they were once, too, a ‘non established’ band. I guess if nothing else, at least they’re consistent. (Elisha Cloughton)

Catfish and the Bottlemen

The Vaccines

What Did You Expect From The Vaccines? Probably something a tad better than songs about putting wetsuits on and having sexual encounters with minors. One of the final wave of NME-hype bands that have delivered absolutely no originality to the hallowed grounds of guitar bands, their best claim to fame must surely be that their guitarist Freddie Cowan is the brother of The Horrors’ keyboardist and sound wizard, Tom Cowan..so their problems can’t be genetic.

The Vaccines are most likely seen supporting a band you actually want to see (Arcade Fire, Arctic Monkeys, The Stones!?!) or walking on the grave of The Walkmen by enlisting the New York legends to support their 2013 02 Arena show - have some respect, boys! Still, at least you’d expect The Vaccines to be the most sought after band on the festival circuit this summer. For obvious reasons… (Rory McInnes Gibbons)

More about: BLM