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I’m not sure if we’ve ever seen a career like Lauren Aquilina’s. At the top of her game, Lauren was the blueprint of early YouTube success with successful EP after successful EP, Taylor Swift support slots, sold out tours and huge industry interest. Releasing her debut album in 2016 on major label Island Record, she announced her retirement weeks later at only 22.

“Since I was four years old, I was telling everyone ‘I'm gonna be a pop star, I'm gonna sign a record deal.’ I had it so clearly in my mind that when I did it and got super depressed, I just had to quit. It really felt like that was the only option for me, I couldn't see any other way,” Lauren said. She's reminiscing on her past career in the wake of announcing a 10-year anniversary concert for her debut EP Fools, released when she was only 15. It’s a complex emotional experience: “It's really mixed emotions for me, because it was actually such a stressful, turbulent time of my life as I was in a horrible abusive relationship and I hear that in the songs.”

But the bitter definitely comes with the sweet; “at the same time, I'm so aware of how many people have an emotional attachment to those songs and they're a big part of their lives in some way and that's just the best thing. I built a career scratch from those EPs, so it's they'll always be so special to me.”

As part of the YouTube golden circle, it’s hard to conceptualise the scale of Lauren’s success if you weren’t there. Way before TikTok, YouTube singers like Orla Gartland, Dodie, Gabrielle Aplin and Lewis Watson built long-lasting careers from their bedrooms, gaining some of the most loyal fans around. “Having that fan base that I know have been there for like 10 years, blows my mind. We've all grown up together,” she says.

Built from an entirely DIY operation with an old camcorder stacked on top of books, it’s no wonder that the circle has stayed close as the immediacy and short-form content of TikTok feels worlds away from their origins – “when we were doing YouTube, they were 10 minute long videos at least with five minutes of chatting at the end. I feel like people knew my actual personality.” Still best friends and now neighbours, “I think about it every day, like how fucking cool is it that I'm part of a community of really talented artists where we’ve always supported each other?"

And community is especially important to Lauren since her return to releasing music under her own name in 2020. After announcing her retirement, she said she “just felt very chewed up and spat out by the industry. I didn't know if I was good at it anymore or if that was what I wanted to do”, but with the support of friends as well as new collaborators the confidence slowly returned — and luckily, British Airways rejected her for an air hostess job she was applying for, thanks to a couple of arm tattoos.

Instead, only weeks after her retirement Lauren got a call from Kylie Minogue’s team, launching her into the world of co-writing for the first time after years of writing only for herself. Over the following years, she’s built a reputation as a globally renowned songwriter, working with Little Mix, Demi Lovato, Ava Max, IVE and more – immediately silencing the industry voices that make her doubt herself.

When asked who she credits for the encouragement and self-belief to make her return, Rina Sawayama’s name can’t leave her mouth quick enough: “Rina has taught me so much. I've never worked with an artist who's given me so much respect as a co-writer, and she values the people she works with so highly. It’s a very small circle as well, so I feel very honoured to be included in it.” Working together on Rina’s 2020 album SAWAYAMA (the Gigwise Album of 2020), the experience transformed Lauren’s perception of being the artist away from the past hurt and into something happier and healthier – “just seeing the way she carries herself has made me carry myself better. I have more confidence and just give less of a fuck about what other people think, basically. She made me remember that it’s literally the job of the artist to just be the most yourself as possible, nothing more.”

And that influence is definitely felt on Ghost World. After releasing a couple of singles between year long hiatuses, Ghost World marked her official return with her first full release in four years. Moving far, far away from her piano ballad origins, the EP is a triumph of confessional lyricism, unexpected editions and interesting instrumentals as a true testament to her growth and all the lessons learnt behind the scenes. As the first song released after a long silence, ‘Psycho’ was a turning point – “that was the first song I've written as a writer in a long time where I thought, ‘this feels like a Lauren song.’ It feels like a side of me that I hadn’t been able to show people a that’s been the reasoning behind every song I’ve put out since.”

And the most recent, ‘Hanging By Your Halo’, feels even more special considering the timing. Returning to a more ballad-inspired format with tender lyricism and softer instrumentals, there’s definitely a sense of young Lauren creeping in – “It feels like an OG Lauren song, but grown up which I really liked about it, it feels like a Fools EP track but now. So it felt right to put that out now.”

Looking back at those earlier EPs and her debut album Aint It Strange, there’s no doubt Lauren would’ve been huge. With an early career that seemed to only go from strength to strength, she’s a cautionary tale to industry folk that the artist and their mental health matters. Going on to become a huge success in a whole other lane, doing it all on her own terms post-retirement was a blessing in disguise: “I live such a peaceful life now.” Considering songwriting for others her main job and settling into a space of releasing solo projects when she feels like it with no demands, the wisdom gained from a rough time not only benefits Lauren now, but young musicians around the country…

Launching Girl & Repertoire last year, Lauren is passionate about helping to protect young female musicians from the experiences she had – “when I came into the industry, I had no women on my team, barely any female friends and I was in this horrible mentality of thinking that all girls are my competition. And then when I got myself out of that, and I was like, ‘Oh, maybe I wouldn't have got really depressed and really dramatically quit music, if I’d actually have had women around me.' Setting up the organisation that connects artists, producers, and women stepping into the industry, they’re starting to host in-person events to create an open and supportive community – “I don’t want any more girls to come into the music industry as a teenager and having no idea what the fuck is going on and being too scared to ask. I’m always saying to young artists ‘text me, call me whenever you have a stupid question about something and don't feel comfortable asking your manager or whatever, use me, I want to be your music industry big sister. I really felt like drawn to do that.” Turning her negative experiences into something positive and so essential in the face of the enduring gender inequality in music and the #metoo movement that still seems to only be beginning, Lauren says simply – “I just want everyone to be okay, I don't want any other girls to feel the way I felt when I was 20.”

Now at 26, Lauren says she feels more herself than ever, moving peacefully through a career that’s far more fulfilling than it ever was when she was working fully in the limelight. Tucking hit after hit under her belt as she proves to be a pop banger making machine, she’s the ultimate success story but not in the way you’d expect. Honouring the needs of her mental health, fighting away self-doubt to make major moves into the songwriting arena that has fully embraced her talent, working with her idols and slowly returning to the stage that launched it all – Lauren is proof that stars will always go back to shining as she refused to be a martyr for music’s misogynistic side.

'Hanging By Your Halo' is out now.

Issue Three of the Gigwise Print magazine is on sale now! Order here.

More about: metoo