Taking acoustic guitars: Seriously, did you not think there would be enough live music at the festival?

Bringing suitcases: Yes it is tough hauling holiday luggage across a field, isn't it?

People who moan about everything: It's three days of dirt and hangovers. Suck it up and make the most of it - or just stay at home

Bringing camping chairs into an arena: No one cares that you have had your picnic area laid out since 11am, that six-metre area on the grass (for four people) doesn't belong to you (see Latitude festival 2012)

Pitching your tent on top of someone else's tent: There's nothing quite like waking up with someone else's head touching yours - through two sheets of nylon

Stealing: Just, no

Starting inappropriate mosh pits: Ed Sheeran and Two Door Cinema Club should not have circle pits

Angry people as you try to push your way OUT of the crowds: We're not taking space, we're making more space for you. Drop the aggro

Noisy sex in tents: Especially on a Sunday. You haven't had a wash for three days

All night talkers in camp sites: We get it, you're still drunk or high, so how about you make the most of the buzz at the late night tents in the festival instead of making a complete racket in the camping area?

The human centipedes - OF RUDENESS: Linking arms and pushing to the front is unacceptable at any time. We don't care what excuses you use as you push and shove your way through the already-packed crowd - it's just rude

Filming the set with a f*cking iPad: If you thought phones at gigs are bad, iPad b*stards are a whole new level of hell

Pissing in cups - and throwing the cups into the audience: We're fine with not washing for a few days - but that's just disgusting

Drug dealers who appear to have taken half their supply: Sorry sir, your bug-eyes and incessant chewing has put us right off your wares. We'll stick to Strongbow tonight

Jumping around in the crowd wearing a massive rucksack: You don't have a tent where you can leave that thing? Or is it just full of your wet-wipes, moisturiser, rug, spare flip-flops and iPod speakers and other entirely unnecessary festival clutter...

ALAN! STEVE!: Shouting this was funny. In 2009

Front row statues: You waiting for two hours to stand there motionless (and probably dehydrated) at the front for your favourite band? Way to go, fun people

One-song fans: You came all this way, pitched a tent and got covered in mud, just to shout all the way through a band's set because you want to hear their big hit single?

People p*ssing everywhere (and not just the men...): And you can't walk the 20 yards to the urinals because...? See below for evidence of the consequences of such actions

Campsite real-estate developers: How cute - you've roped off an area and put up spinning windmills and flags, we'll just go and pitch by the toilets shall we? Don't think so...

Selfie sticks: Now vanity comes with an extendable arm

Getting on your mate's shoulders for the whole set: Sure, it's great for TV coverage of Glastonbury - but a misery for everyone behind you