More about: Kim Petras

The iconic club-pop hyperboles keep coming: Kim Petras is pumping them out like her fans' lives depend on it. Maybe they do. Following on from her tit ode 'Coconuts' last year, the popstar has now released an entire EP of slut bangers. She's named it Slut Pop, making it wasy enough to find in our filing system whenever that's the genre we're hankering for.

So we have seven new tracks to reckon with, all of them under three minutes long, for Kim Petras is a merciful queen. Here, we rank them in order of just how iconic they are. That's hot:

7. 'XXX'

Let's make this quite clear: songs being numbers 5, 6 or 7 on this list by no means make them un-iconic. It merely makes them the least iconic of a very iconic bunch, like placing out of the medals in an Olympic final. 'XXX' is legendary for many things, but mainly these two lines: "Legs in the air it's a stick 'em up". "Do a line on your dick it's a pick-me-up."

6. 'Superpower Bitch'

The superpower in question here—I wonder if you can guess it before I tell you—is the ability to make you cum. With some of the hyper-treated percussive personality as displayed on the Halloween album to end all Halloween albums, 2020's TURN OFF THE LIGHT, it's a strobe-lit braggadocio composition. 

5. 'They Wanna Fuck'

A definitve list of boys who wanna fuck: L.A. boys, New York boys, Euro boys, Dubai boys, Christian boys, Tokyo boys, good old boys, crazy boys. Could only be made more iconic by adding representation of boys on the continents of Africa, South America and Australasia who also wanna fuck.

4. 'Your Wish Is My Command'

Another spirit sister to TURN OFF THE LIGHT, 'Your Wish Is My Command' may well have the most clubland beat of all and is definitely the song you would most likely get away with playing in front of your parents. It may well be the only radio-friendly option on the EP and is therefore iconic for being a Trojan Horse for the Slut Agenda.

3.'Treat Me Like A Slut'

An anthem for those of you with a degradation kink, 'Treat Me Like A Slut' is a good way of hinting exactly what you might want your partner to say to you in bed. Drop it into one of their playlists, perhaps. A sub-two-minute track, this one is a shot of clubland adrenaline that has a bassline deserving of tinnitus-inducing volume.

2. 'Slut Pop'

There's something very powerful about an artist saying the name of their album in a song, and the excellent composition of this song only adds to that. "This is slut pop: whip your dick out...get your tits out" Kim commands, as if she needed to ask us twice. 

1. 'Throat Goat'

You already know what this is about, don't you? It's about being the Greatest Of All Time at sucking dick of course, a subject on which there are far too few songs. Thankfully, 'Throat Goat' makes up for this dearth with a Vogueing-ready rhythm, outrageous lyrics aplenty and some literal samples of goats bleating and throat gargling. 

Slut Pop EP is out now.

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More about: Kim Petras