Photo: WENN
It's Glastonbury weekend! That's great news for the tens of thousands of people with tickets, but what about the rest of us? Will we be forced to spend a weekend howling and wailing at home, cursing and damning our own inability to secure tickets when they went on sale? Oh hell no.
You see, festivals are wicked - but there is always a downside. Idiots for one thing, thieves for another. But, here are 16 more pressing reasons why if you're not going to Glastonbury this weekend, that's fine. You will be OK.
1. You won't have to listen to ANYONE bang on about Arcadia, going down 'rabbit holes' and bloody Metallica for at least two days.
2. It's going rain like buggery all weekend at Glastonbury
3. There won't be anyone on the trains wearing wellies and carrying MASSIVE smelly backpacks for two whole days
4. There will be fewer people in the pub watching the World Cup
5. There is less chance of hearing strangers having squeaky sex on an airbed
6. You can watch the bands you want on the BBC - without being shoved around by a teenager on her first pill
7. There will be no need to carry toilet paper around with you in public
8. No one will offer you 'balloons' (unless you are in London Fields, obviously)
9. You will feel no urge, at any point, to put glitter on your face
10. You can wash every part of your body, whenever you like
11. DUVET. PILLOWS.
12. You won't need to put any clothes on to go to the toilet in the early hours of the morning (across a wet field, avoiding ropes and empty beer cans)
13. You won't have to eat crisps for breakfast sitting in a sleeping bag
14. You won't be running the risk of seeing Skrillex live
15. The King's Speech is on Channel4 on Sunday (better than Kasabian? MAYBE)
16. You won't need to order food out of the side of a van
(photo via streatblog.wordpress.com)
