Photo: Instagram / Dave Pajo

Founding Slint bassist Dave Pajo has spoken boldly and bravely about his battle with depression, following his suicide attempt last month. 

The musician, who has also played with the likes of Interpol, Zwan and The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, survived a suicide attempt last month after posting a note to his ex-wife on his online blog. 

Now, in a full and frank interview with The Thin Air, Pajo has urged others to be more open when talking about suicide and depression

Speaking of noticing the invisible disease of depression, Pajo said:

"I’m very good at disguising my depression – up until the very end I was completely lucid. People close to me were just beginning to get a clue, the police had a missing persons report on me when I attempted a month before. My ex was the only person who knew I was suicidal, for half a year she knew this, but never acknowledged what I was going through or tried to help. People need to be aware of what I can only call dangerous and untrue thoughts within themselves, i.e. “I had a good run but the time is now to call it quits,” “People will be saddened for a moment but ultimately the world is better off without me,” “I am ugly/an awful person etc,” “This is insurmountable and there’s no other way out of this situation,” “I refuse to live without (insert name here),” “I am alone” and so on. I have found all these thoughts to be completely false, but the rationale is so seductive it’s easy to get tunnel vision and close oneself off to any other exit.

"These thoughts should be red flags to anyone having them. The emotion needs to be removed and the thoughts examined thoroughly, you know? It took me going all the way into the thoughts and out the other side to be able to do this. I don’t recommend this. Get to them early before the thoughts propagate like cancer cells."

He also added that his online writings were far from a cry for help: 

"Help was the last thing I wanted. When they were putting stitches in my neck in the ER the nurse asked, “Do you have anything to say?” I replied, “I wish I had died.” She was a bit taken aback but then said, “Well I’m glad you’re here.” I started crying very quietly as no one had said anything to me like that before. I had the Suicide Hotline number saved as a speed dial in my phone for over a year but never called because I didn’t want to be talked out of anything – my mind was made up. My blog was supposed to be a way for people to know my side of the story. That’s all. I didn’t intend to be around for the aftermath."

In one of the truest things ever published on the internet, he added that people should be more open about suicide and depression: 

"I believe depression and suicide should not be taboo. The media often talks about cancer, AIDS, and other terminal illnesses but depression and suicide rarely get any attention unless it’s unusual or a celebrity. We don’t talk about it amongst friends – we think it’s too morbid. But I’ve known more people who have died from suicide than any other illness. In my world, it’s a bigger problem than cancer. Yet it’s never talked about." 

In advising others on how to handle their demons, Pajo wrote: 

"Well, I mentioned that it’s important to beware the ‘dangerous and completely untrue thoughts’ above. But there are quite a few things you can do. Don’t internalize your darkness: pull them out of your head and dump them on every person you can trust with your feelings! Yes, just drop it on them.

"When you’re bummed, you don’t want to burden anyone with your darkness so you keep it all inside. Fuck that. If they love you, it’s not a burden. Dump it out, lay your cards on the table with people who will react with compassion and not hold it against you. Do this all the time. If it’s in your head, let it out.

"It’s like releasing a valve, all that pressure starts releasing. Every little bit helps. Don’t hold back. Also, no problem is insurmountable. But you have to line them up and take them one at a time. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. And most importantly, chuck the fuckers who have proven themselves unworthy of your love. Vile, hateful people who make you feel awful about yourself – you don’t have time for that shit anymore. Just kick them to the curb. Why waste your love on someone who doesn’t deserve it?

"Seriously. I know we can’t control how we feel about someone. But these people will kill you if you let them and they honestly don’t give a flying fuck if you live or die. People change, sometimes they become enemies, and that’s okay."

For more information on coping with depression, visit the Samaritans here.